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Learn to Shut Up – Part 1

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As we begin our journey this week, we have to realize that there are many times where instead of speaking, we need to learn to keep our mouth closed. Each time we speak, it is a conscious choice to do so.

Many of the outcomes of our trek of life are determined by the choices that we make each day. While we cannot always control the path that lies in front of us, as we take one step at a time, we can make choices that will help us navigate through trails successfully. As we take each step, we can learn the lessons each new trail brings to us.

One of the most difficult areas of our life to control consistently is the use of our tongue. We need to learn when to keep our mouth closed. Have you ever been with a group of people that you respect and you find yourself saying something completely out of place? Have you ever spoken to a loved one or associate in a way that cuts them to the core, and as soon as it comes out of your mouth you think to yourself, “How foolish it was to say such hurtful words”? Our words can lift someone to the heights of heaven or plunge them into the very depths of hell.

In our next two Wisdom Notes, we will first explore just how difficult, but important, it is to control our tongues and then weave in 10 practical lessons on when it is best just to shut up. As a Christ follower, much of the wisdom that I have gained throughout my life comes from God’s Word, the Bible. It has much to say about how important it is to choose our words wisely and to limit our words to those that are helpful to others. Christ’s half-brother James wrote several paragraphs about how difficult it really is to control our tongues, in his letter to the Jews that were scattered across the Roman Empire. In Chapter 3 verses 1-12 he wrote,

“Dear brothers and sisters, not many of you should become teachers in the church, for we who teach will be judged more strictly. Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way.

We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches.

But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. And among all the parts of the body, the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself.

People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish, but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison. Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right! Does a spring of water bubble out with both fresh water and bitter water? Does a fig tree produce olives, or a grapevine produce figs? No, and you can’t draw fresh water from a salty spring.”

Wow! If we just read this snippet of James’s letter, it would seem like it is impossible to control our tongue. If you think about unwise words that you spoke just this week, there is clear evidence that we all suffer from the dreaded diseases known as “diarrhea of the mouth” and “foot in mouth disease.” Fortunately, what is impossible with humans is possible with God.

While hiking, if you want to see amazing wildlife and birds, you need to be very quiet, which means keeping your mouth shut, even when you want to go on about how much you know. So, as you trek through today and tomorrow, you will arrive at 10 clearings along your trail where you will be able to gaze through the trees and see some amazing sites. These are examples of 10 times when you should just shut up. We will visit the first two clearings in this note and finish up with the remaining 8 in our next one.

“Knowing when to open your mouth and when to keep it shut is valuable wisdom.”

There are times when we don’t speak up when we should, but more often than not we do speak when we shouldn’t. Wise people speak less because they know the value of keeping quiet.

Lesson #1 – Keep quite when you want to correct someone.

This is particularly important when that someone is a new acquaintance or a superior. If you correct them, you might embarrass them, and you’re not actually going to gain anything. They might not believe you, and you could wind up in a dumb argument about it, taking out your phone and finding sources that prove you’re right until you shut them down. Sure, you’ll have demonstrated your superior knowledge, but a lot of people actually hate that. In many cases, if someone misspeaks, there is no need to correct them because what they have said is not of importance. If it is really important, meet with them in private and discuss the incorrect information and give them an opportunity to correct it.

Lesson #2 – Never miss a chance to keep your mouth shut when you have set a big goal.

You might think that announcing your intentions to others will increase your chances of achieving your goals, but research suggests the opposite is true. NYU psychology professor Peter Gollwitzer found in four different studies that people who kept their intentions to themselves were more likely to achieve them than those who made them public. The reasoning found in this study was that once a goal is announced publicly, our subconscious leads us to believe we have already completed that goal. Confiding in one accountability partner that will make sure that you reach your goal is a much more effective way of meeting that goal. Another reason for not trumpeting your big plans is that if you don’t follow through, you’ll be seen as flaky.

In our next Wisdom Note, we will explore the remaining 8 times when we need to learn to shut up.

Think and Grow Wise

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Grow in Wisdom

Another week has come and gone, and we are continuing to conquer our giants as I wrote about in our previous Wisdom Note. I am thankful for all the experiences and opportunities that God has weaved into my life. Even the very difficult one’s life Hazel’s diagnosis of Leukemia. Yes, it is overwhelming at times (okay, most of the time), but it is through the challenging times of daily life that we gain and grow in wisdom. Wisdom is obtained through years of proper thinking and experience. That is why today’s Wisdom Notes is titled “Think and Grow Wise.”

As we continue our trek of life each day, consider this: To become a wise person, you need to gain accurate, perceptive insights into human behavior and understand how this is integrated into everyday situations. You need to practice what Christ’s half-brother James wrote in his letter in Chapter 1, verses 19 and 20, “Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.” You will need to be observers of human nature and master psychologists with excellent emotional intelligence.

You have to be willing to learn from real life experiences, not just academic study. This may mean that you keep what you know to yourself but are willing to share what you know with certain individuals that are ready to think and learn.

You need to have discernment and give advice to open-minded learners. If you desire to become wise, you will learn the talent of asking questions that lead to new understanding. This practice will bring a consciousness to yourself to communicate what you know when the situation is right and with those who are ready and willing to learn.

If you are to become wise you need to think about what you do and don’t do. You need to have a strong inner frame reference built on your integrity for your actions and statements. You need to learn to “read” situations well and understand others accurately to see through the obvious and to trust your intuition.

You will need to think through life issues and gain a sense of the hidden motives behind the actions of others. This practice will allow you to become less vulnerable to cons, threats, criticism, and manipulation. If you are able to learn this trait, then you can handle pressure and threats with humor. You will be able to remain stable and sustain self-control in times of turmoil. You will desire and expect things to work well. This will allow you to feel optimistic and self-confident when coping with rough situations.

A valuable way to understand this wisdom is to define what it is not. What is the opposite of wisdom? Here are 8 things that show a lack of wisdom:

  1. Speak or act in stupid ways, and then blame others for what happens.
  2. Speak or act in ways that cause difficulties for people or groups important to you.
  3. Speak or act in ways that lead to an unnecessary loss.
  4. Not learn from mistakes and make the same mistakes.
  5. Be out of touch with what is happening.
  6. Be bitter about the past and cynical about the future.
  7. Be outspoken about what others are doing wrong.
  8. Act in ways contrary to one’s stated values and goals, and not realize it.

How do you acquire wisdom? Here are four practical, yet simple ways:

  1. Develop life-long, child-like curiosity and a playful spirit.
  2. Be happy rather than hostile, no matter how badly life has treated you.
  3. Ask questions, explore, and desire to know how things work.
  4. Learn valuable lessons from difficult experiences.

Gaining wisdom can be defined as a three-part process:

  1. Gaining information or the raw data is the first step. Look for the kind of data you can find in books, in the research, on the internet.
  2. Knowledge through thinking is knowing or learning how to apply the information gathered.
  3. True wisdom is knowing when and under what circumstances the information and the knowledge are appropriate, or useful, or even true. And when and how and even whether to apply the knowledge you have gained.

I believe that personal wisdom begins with knowing who—and whose—we are, which allows us to live by a value system consistent with that understanding. Through this, we are able to see and appreciate, the unique gifts that God has given us. These are our personality traits, opportunities, and abilities to impact the lives of others. Appreciation is an integral part of wisdom, for we know that wisdom does not come to us naturally. It must be cultivated and nurtured through proper thinking.

If you desire a blueprint for becoming wise, one of the best ways is to study the book of Proverbs. In Chapter 1 it lays out the plan in verses 2-7,

“Their purpose is to teach people wisdom and discipline,
to help them understand the insights of the wise.
Their purpose is to teach people to live disciplined and successful lives,
to help them do what is right, just, and fair.

These proverbs will give insight to the simple,
knowledge and discernment to the young.

Let the wise listen to these proverbs and become even wiser.
Let those with understanding receive guidance
by exploring the meaning in these proverbs and parables,
the words of the wise and their riddles.

Fear of the Lord is the foundation of true knowledge,
but fools despise wisdom and discipline.”

Part of growing wise is to realize that events happen in our lives that we will never fully understand . As with our granddaughter Hazel and her leukemia, we don’t understand why, but we do have faith that God will work His will through this challenge. May it all draw us closer to God and help to conform each of us as His image bearers. While she is responding well to her treatments and the doctors are encouraged with her progress, the chemo treatments are starting to take their expected toll on her little body. I would appreciate continued prayers for Hazel and her family.

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Learning from Failure

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Turning Failure Into Success – Steps 21-25

This week in our Wisdom Note, we finish our exploration of the 25 steps needed to turn failure into success. As mentioned in previous weeks, obstacles and failures, if handled wisely, can become our stepping stones for a successful life trek.

While we try to plan and set the course of our lives, we have to realize that our trek of life will have its twists and turns that we cannot plan for. This is one reason we need to embrace each new day fully and live abundantly in all that we do.

We can and should plant and water the seeds, but ultimately, it is God who determines when that seed will sprout and how bountiful the harvest will be. This is such a difficult lesson to learn for most of us but one that is so valuable. With these lessons, we will inevitably run into failures along the path of life, whether those are caused by us or someone/something else. For this reason, we have invested the past few weeks looking at how we can bring beauty from ashes and success through failure. So let’s examine the final five failure scenarios 21-25.

Failures teach us to let go of the past. We must accept that there’s nothing we can do to change the past. You did the best you could. When you’re facing your failures, know that you were as good, loving, and effective as you could have been. That you did the best that you could based on the information you had at that time. If you were to go back, you couldn’t do anything differently because that’s who you were and that’s what you knew then. It’s done. Let go of your past. Forgive yourself for your mistakes.

That brings to my mind a paragraph from the Apostle Paul’s letter to the church in Philippi. In Phillipians 3:12-14 we read, “I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.” “We run from failure…we run to success…but what really matters is not what we’re running from but where we are running to!”

Stepping Stone #21 – Let go of the past.

Don’t feed the fire that burns you. We need to be very careful what we allow to roam within our minds. Most of our thoughts of failure only exist in our head and are merely ideas. It may not seem like that, but that is how it is. If you believe that you can’t or shouldn’t do something because it may lead to failure, then that’s a thought in your mind. If you believe you are better than others, that’s a thought. If you believe you are no good, that’s a thought.

Our thoughts are linked together and constructed from other thoughts that we’ve learned and allowed to grow in our minds. These thoughts can be good or bad, but if you are feeding the thoughts of failure in your mind, then that fire that rages within you will consume you. We need to analyze our thoughts, choose the ones that are good and helpful, and discard the rest.

As we have mentioned before, in Scripture the word “heart” and “mind” can be used interchangeably. Think of that as we read Luke 6:45, “A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good mind, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil mind. What you say flows from what is in your mind.”

Stepping Stone #22 – Don’t feed a failure mindset.

Failure is never an option. If you want to achieve a goal in life, then you have to be assured that you are fully prepared and have resolve to guarantee that failure will never be a permanent option for you and those you impact. If you remember back or have read about the Apollo 13 mission back to earth when it was damaged, you likely remember this quote. NASA controller Jerry C. Bostick said these now famous words, “Failure is not an option,” and that phrase has been etched into our collective memory ever since.

Stepping Stone #23 – Failure is not an option.

You always have a choice. If you can’t physically change something, you can always change the way you think about it. You can sit in the dark, or you can find your inner light and discover powerful pieces of yourself you never knew existed. You can view a crisis as an invitation to learn something new, viewing the shake-up in your outer world as an enlightening opportunity to wake-up your inner world. You must choose to, “Keep moving forward.”

Stepping Stone #24 – Failure provides choices.

You can control your own destiny. Notwithstanding the role that God plays in our lives, He also permits a great deal of freedom for us to make the choices that shape our destiny. In order to make choices that may change your destiny, you must first know yourself and what you are creating moment by moment. What you do in the present moment brings you closer to shaping your destiny. Make the choice and move forward. Choices are the hinges of our destiny. When adversity strikes (and it will), it’s not what happens that will determine our destiny. It’s how we react to what happens. You can choose failure, or you can choose success. Ultimately it is your decision. “Destiny is not a matter of chance, it’s a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved,” Jennings Bryan.

Stepping Stone #25 – Failure teaches us to choose our destiny of success.

We continue this with our practical lesson from the Bible about Gideon. It is a very intriguing story of hardships and failure for the nation of Israel by the hands of the Midianites. If you have never done so, I would encourage you to read the entire story that is found in Judges 6 and 7.

The nation of Israel had failed God by setting up alters and places of worship to false gods. So God sent an angel to Gideon who told him that he would be assigned the responsibility to rescue the nation of Israel.

At first, Gideon faltered or failed to trust God’s plan. First, Gideon destroyed some alters to false god Baal and was nearly killed by his family members. His father Joash stepped in and reasoned with the crowd to let Baal defend himself. From that point Gideon started to be viewed as a leader. So, let’s pick up the story in Judges 6:33-40 where we see that Gideon still had his doubts, “Soon afterward the armies of Midian, Amalek, and the people of the east formed an alliance against Israel and crossed the Jordan, camping in the valley of Jezreel. Then the Spirit of the Lord clothed Gideon with power. He blew a ram’s horn as a call to arms, and the men of the clan of Abiezer came to him. He also sent messengers throughout Manasseh, Asher, Zebulun, and Naphtali, summoning their warriors, and all of them responded.

Then Gideon said to God, ‘If you are truly going to use me to rescue Israel as you promised, prove it to me in this way. I will put a wool fleece on the threshing floor tonight. If the fleece is wet with dew in the morning but the ground is dry, then I will know that you are going to help me rescue Israel as you promised.’ And that is just what happened. When Gideon got up early the next morning, he squeezed the fleece and wrung out a whole bowlful of water.

Then Gideon said to God, ‘Please don’t be angry with me, but let me make one more request. Let me use the fleece for one more test. This time let the fleece remain dry while the ground around it is wet with dew.’ So that night God did as Gideon asked. The fleece was dry in the morning, but the ground was covered with dew.”

We see that Gideon still struggled, doubted, and failed to move forward. In spite of that, he persevered, was victorious and had great success. In next week’s Wisdom Notes we will continue with our story of Gideon as we explore the first six of twelve trails of courage.

Turning Failure Into Success

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Success Steps 6-10

This week our Wisdom Notes are coming from beautiful Rio Verde, AZ. I am here working with our partners on our construction projects. Phase I is coming to an end within the next month. We are hopeful that the developer will move forward with Phase II immediately. That decision is based on the strength of sales on the first 12 town homes. There are a lot of steps in a project of this size, and we do run into glitches and missteps frequently. It requires us to turn those failures around in order for the overall project to be successful.

This week we continue to explore the steps needed to Turn Failure Into Success. Obstacles and failures, if applied correctly, can actually become our stepping stones for a successful life trek.

As we continue on, we want to use five more stepping stones as we traverse life’s trails before us. Our lives will be filled with obstacles, difficulties, and, at times, failures. Here are five more ways we can navigate over, under, around, and through the obstacles of life.

The more you fail, the more you learn. While we should not purposely fail, we need to thrive on the wisdom and experience that we gain from failing. We need to soak it in and embrace it. Our objective each day should be to make a positive difference in the lives of others through taking action.

When we take smart action we should never fear failure. We need to persevere in spite of failures. Every failure is a learning opportunity on how not to do something or how to do it better. If we are going to be an achiever then to some extent failure is the way of life. Every failure makes us much more determined to succeed. “Failure and defeat are life’s greatest teachers but sadly, most people, don’t want to go there!” Ralph Heath.

Stepping Stone #6 – Learn from your failures.

Failure can be positive or negative. Failure is a learning tool. Thomas Edison failed a thousand times before he invented the lightbulb. Failure is trying to do things others have not considered. It is a temporary by-product of creativity. It is challenging the learning process. A reporter once asked Thomas Edison the inventor of the lightbulb how it felt to fail 1,000 times? “‘I didn’t fail 1,000 times,’ Edison responded. ‘The lightbulb was an invention with 1,000 steps.”

Stepping Stone #7 – Failures are steps to success.

Failure is experiential education at work. To be a real winner in life you need to endure failure and the agony it produces. Success is achieved when you are willing to take risks and lose. Most people choose to engage in occupations and activities that are safe and predictable. If you enjoy that, do the very best you can and enjoy each day. For many people, those occupations don’t deliver satisfaction, fulfillment, or joy in living. If you find yourself in that position, then for you, failure is not to move in the directions of your dreams. If you desire something more, then take action, “Decide whether or not the goal is worth the risks involved. If it is, stop worrying and pursue your dreams, or you will only fail by taking no action.”

Stepping Stone #8 – Failure provides experiential education.

Failure can be a weapon. We can learn discipline through failures. It allows us to sharpen ourselves against the grindstone of failure. We do not need to make excuses for failure. We need to allow it to be the weapon of determination to succeed. Although you might fail incredibly, you might succeed incredibly, and that’s why incredible risk and courage are required. Fail or succeed, either way, you’ll learn more than ever about your strengths, talents, and resolve, and you’ll strengthen your will for the next challenge. “Sharpen your success weapons on the grindstone of failure.”

Stepping Stone #9 – Use failure as your weapon to succeed.

Failure programs you for success. Every failure has a built-in mechanism to auto-correct and reprogram you for success. Therefore, think of failures as a way of programming you to improve and succeed. When we fail, we naturally activate the auto-correct mechanism that provides us with the tools needed to work successfully the next time. “You’ve got to keep finding better ways to run your life, or someone will take what you’ve accomplished, improve upon it, and be very pleased with the results.”

Stepping Stone #10 – Program failures into success.

Let’s continue with a practical lesson from the Scriptures on how failures resulted in success. In last week’s Wisdom Notes, we left off with Moses’ father-in-law, Jethro, rebuking him for how he was handling the administration of cases that were brought before him for judgment. Up until this point Moses was handling the entire workload himself – sounds like something I would attempt.

Let’s continue the story in Exodus 18:19-23, “Now listen to me, and let me give you a word of advice, and may God be with you. You should continue to be the people’s representative before God, bringing their disputes to him. Teach them God’s decrees, and give them his instructions. Show them how to conduct their lives. But select from all the people some capable, honest men who fear God and hate bribes. Appoint them as leaders over groups of one thousand, one hundred, fifty, and ten. They should always be available to solve the people’s common disputes, but have them bring the major cases to you. Let the leaders decide the smaller matters themselves. They will help you carry the load, making the task easier for you. If you follow this advice, and if God commands you to do so, then you will be able to endure the pressures, and all these people will go home in peace.”

Notice the wise advice from Jethro to solve the issue of Moses. Moses was floundering and struggling with keeping up with the workload. You might say he was failing in his ability to handle the situation.

Jethro’s first advice to Moses was to let him know that he is still in charge and responsible for what goes on, but he does not have to do all the work himself. In fact, we already saw that he was not capable of doing so. He instructed Moses to teach others to handle the matters of dispute, except the very major ones. But Moses had to make sure that he chose not only capable men but also honest men who would execute the laws properly. You can see from these instructions that most modern societies have their court systems patterned after these suggestions.

In next week’s Wisdom Notes we will see if Moses took Jethro’s advice as we explore Stepping Stones 11-15 on our journey to turn failure into success.