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How to Eliminate Excuses Forever

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In this Wisdom Note, let us consider that the way to ensure success in our daily trek is to make sure that we eliminate excuses because excuses stifle our results and make us less effective. So, it is time to head out onto the trail and look for the markers that will teach us to eliminate excuses forever. The markers are not hidden, but you do need to follow their instructions if you want to successfully navigate the trail of no more excuses.

During our past two Wisdom Notes, we explored the trails of specific types of excuses and presented some ideas on how to overcome the excuse obstacles on our path. On this week’s trail, we will study the markers that give us some general ideas, suggestions, and techniques we can use to eliminate all excuses forever.

As we study these trail markers, it’s important to understand that our excuses lead to stagnation and a life of regrets. Moreover, success in any field of endeavor requires a period of discomfort when we must venture into unfamiliar territories not knowing what to expect.

Trail Marker #1 – Avoid making comparisons.

Making comparisons between yourself and others will often make you feel disheartened if you are unable to live up to people’s standards and achievements. Instead, only compare yourself to your “best self.” No other comparisons are necessary. If through your highest efforts you surpass your personal best, then that’s good enough, at least until your next attempt.

Trail Marker #2 – Avoid dwelling on the past.

The moment we begin dwelling on past mistakes or failures is the moment, we begin experiencing the emotion of regret. Immediately we look to point the finger at someone or something else in order to justify our failures instead of taking responsibility for our decisions and actions. As a result, we begin rationalizing and making excuses for our failed attempts.

If you begin today by focusing on the present moment, rather than on the past, then you will begin to throw all your excuses out the door. Yes, by all means, learn from your mistakes and failures, but do not use them as a platform for your encyclopedia of excuses.

As the Apostle Paul wrote in his letter to the church Philippi Chapter 3 verses 13 and 14, “No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.”

Trail Marker # 3 – Begin by asking questions.

The moment you catch yourself making excuses immediately ask yourself the following set of questions:

  1. How badly do I really want this?
  2. Why don’t I have what I want?
  3. What excuses are getting in the way?

These questions will essentially help you to identify the gap between your current and desired reality. This likewise will help you get a better understanding of the circumstances that are holding you back from getting what you want most out of life.

The moment you identify these excuses, examine what you are lacking (as we did in the previous section), question the validity of your excuses, and take immediate action to fill these areas with everything required to keep moving you forward toward your goals and objectives.

Ask yourself:

  • Is this a genuine reason, or is it simply an excuse?
  • If this is an excuse, then what is it that I’m currently lacking?
  • What do I need specifically that will help me move beyond this excuse?
  • What’s the next step I need to take right now that will move me closer to my goals?

Trail Marker #4 – Focus on solutions and opportunities.

When making excuses we often focus on problems, regrets, and things that just didn’t work. Therefore, to eradicate excuses from our lives, we must instead begin focusing on solutions, opportunities, and the things that did work. It’s a simple shift, but if we keep this principle at the forefront of our minds when making excuses, it will immediately transform our perspective of the situation at hand.

Trail Marker #5 – Seek alternate perspectives.

Often the excuses we make are a result of a lack of perspective. We simply don’t have or know the bigger picture. It’s like looking through a keyhole. You will never see the entire room, but only a small section of that room.

Say, for instance, you looked through a keyhole and saw papers scattered all over a table. It would be easy to assume that the entire room is an absolute mess. However, you don’t have the full picture, do you? The rest of the room could be clean and spotless; however, your lack of perspective is preventing you from seeing the bigger picture.

Seek alternate perspectives by asking other people for their opinions, comments, and feedback. Get an understanding of how they see the situation before you commit to making excuses.

Trail Marker #6 – Accept full responsibility for failures and mistakes.

Excuses are often made because we simply don’t want to take responsibility for our shortcomings. When we take full responsibility for our failures and mistakes, we begin to gain confidence in ourselves and our own abilities. Moreover, we begin to feel empowered because life is no longer built upon luck or good fortune, but rather on our ability to successfully adapt to the changing conditions that life throws our way.

Trail Marker #7 – Learn from past experience.

Instead of making excuses, commit to learning from the experience in order to better yourself for the future.

Ask yourself:

  • What can I learn from this experience?
  • What has this experience taught me about myself, life, and others?
  • How can I use this experience to do better in the future?
  • What action could I take right now that would help me take a step in this direction?

Trail Marker #8 – Focus on your strengths.

When making excuses, we often focus on how inadequate and incapable we are. This limits our focus and brings to light all of our weaknesses. To counter this, we should instead focus on our strengths and how we can use them to make the best of every situation.

Trail Marker #9 – Cultivate four critical qualities.

Finally, to overcome your excuses, always cultivate patience, optimism, confidence, and persistence. And, if you must make excuses, then at least keep them private. Nobody likes people who can’t take responsibility for their decisions and actions. Sometimes we get so absorbed in making excuses about things that we forget to focus on making the best of every situation no matter what the outcome.

Now that we have studied the 9 trail markers that teach us how to eliminate excuses from our lives, we will explore Six Reflection Points for Life’s Transitions next.

The Reason We Make Excuses

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In today’s Wisdom Note, we will explore why we make excuses. So many people make excuses, but they are so difficult to see in ourselves. None of us particularly like accountability, but it is required to be a wise and mature person.

It is easy to fall into the habit of making excuses when our trek of life does not turn out as we desired. On our next three Wisdom Notes, we will examine in detail the subject of excuses. So, let’s put all our excuses aside and head out on the trail. One quote from a very wise man, Benjamin Franklin, reminds us, “He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.”

Do you ever catch yourself making excuses when things don’t turn out as you had expected? Have you ever neglected taking responsibility for the events and circumstances of your life? Or have you ever tried to explain away why you didn’t, couldn’t, shouldn’t, or simply wouldn’t do something? These are all subtle signs that indicate you are living a life of excuses, which prevents you from living to your full potential. And, in Jesus’s words, your full potential is a rich and satisfying life.

1. What Are Excuses?

Excuses are rationalizations we make to ourselves about people, events, and circumstances. They are invented reasons we create to defend our behavior, to neglect taking a particular kind of action, or to simply negate responsibility. Excuses are in essence a means of placing the blame of an internal problem on an external condition.

2. Why Do We Make Excuses?

There are many reasons why people make excuses. In fact, everyone has different reasons for making them. However, when it boils down to it, all excuses are based on FEAR. We make excuses for the following main reasons:

  • Fear of failure
  • Fear of embarrassment
  • Fear of success
  • Fear of change
  • Fear of uncertainty
  • Fear of responsibility
  • Fear of making mistakes
  • Fear of lacking confidence or resources

To eliminate excuses from our lives, we must first look at eliminating all traces of fear.

We need to reduce and as much as possible eliminate all false fear in our lives for the Apostle Paul wrote in his 2nd letter to Timothy in Chapter 1 verse 7, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”

Fear traps and locks us away within our comfort zone, yet fear often develops as a result of a lack of:

  • Understanding
  • Information
  • Resources
  • Experience
  • Perspective

If you lack all these things, you will naturally lack confidence, and as a result, you will fail to take the action necessary to achieve your goals and objectives.

Consequently, you will tend to make excuses about your life and circumstances in order to help boost your self-esteem. However, all you’re doing is creating the illusion of security. You’re simply masking the pain by taking a “painkiller.” The pain is still there and will continue to persist until you finally overcome your fears.

3. What Are the Consequences of Making Excuses?

Living a life of excuses can have very serious and lasting consequences. Not only will excuses prevent you from reaching your full potential, but they will also hold you back from recognizing opportunities, talents, and skills you might have to help you overcome your problems.

If you don’t challenge yourself to reach new heights, you will never really know what you’re capable of. New opportunities lie hidden around every corner; however, you will never find them if you riddle your mind with constantly finding reasons to make excuses.

Making excuses can also lead to the following consequences:

  • Lack of responsibility and growth
  • Self-limiting beliefs
  • Massive regrets
  • Persistent pessimistic outlook on life
  • Bad judgments
  • Paranoia
  • Imaginary walls constricting comfort zone
  • Mental blocks stifling proactive action and creativity

These consequences certainly don’t lead to a rich and satisfying life. In fact, they paralyze us and prevent forward movement in all areas of our lives.

To overcome your excuses, you must first admit that you are making them. Sometimes this is difficult to do; however, it’s absolutely necessary and critical if you want to eliminate the resulting consequences.

Ask yourself:

  • What excuses do I tend to make?
  • What am I settling for?

Furthermore, you must identify the reasons for your excuses. Ask yourself:

  • Why am I making these excuses?

Finally, list the consequences that each of these excuses has on your life and circumstances by asking:

  • How do these excuses prevent me from moving forward?
  • How do they cripple my ability to get what I want?

We need to learn to scale to new heights on our trek each day, especially when we are overwhelmed and find ourselves making excuses instead of taking responsibility. As we grow in wisdom and insight, we can realize that to overcome excuses, we can rely on a power that is greater than we may have within ourselves. As King David wrote in Psalms 61:1-3,

“O God, listen to my cry!
Hear my prayer!
From the ends of the earth,
I cry to you for help
when my heart is overwhelmed.
Lead me to the towering rock of safety,
for you are my safe refuge,
a fortress where my enemies cannot reach me.”

Now that we have explored some of the core reasons we make excuses, in our next couple of notes, we will learn the type of excuses that we commonly make and discover how to eliminate excuses forever.

Life Is Like a River

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I have often stated that I will live to 125, and I am not sure that is even enough time to get everything done I would like to do in life. While I do have many hectic and stressful days, I am grateful to be busy. Even during our hectic lives, we need to set time aside to meditate and refocus on what is most important in life. We need to stop and rest. We need to invest the time to nourish our souls, minds, and bodies. We need to sit beside the streams of life before they become raging rivers. In this Wisdom Note, let us consider how life is like a river.

All rivers start as a few drops of rain. In comparison, our birth is like the formation of a spring on a hillside, which has gathered its water from the rain or snow-melt trickling off the mountain slopes.

As a child grows from an infant to toddler and begins to jabber, so is the babbling of a brook as it gains both volume and intensity. Before long, the child is growing and gaining traits that he will carry throughout his life. The brook expands into a creek with more of a defined course that it follows, leaving its mark everywhere it flows.

As our children grow into their teen years they begin to show their independence from their youth, and they seem to be always on the go. In the same way, the creeks come together to form the rivers that cascade over rocks and trees, forming rushing waters and rapids that are difficult to navigate. Like these streams and rivers, they encounter obstacles and challenges but learn to overcome these obstacles by wearing them down or finding a path around or through them.

Even as we grow into adults, at times there are massive floods, huge waterfalls, and raging rapids. We also learn that there are the periods of smooth and peaceful flow. The observation to be made is that the flow never stops but continues on.

Our lives flow from bend to bend. We do not always know what we will find around the next curve. Some tumbles may result as the water crashes against obstacles. As with our lives, the river changes its course but continues on. Some of the blockages with which we meet hold us back until we build up enough force behind ourselves to break through and continue on.

At times our lives even include sudden let downs and seeming tragedies, but even in those times, we have the opportunity to create impressive waterfalls as we cascade over a cliff. Maybe you have already had a Niagara of an experience. I know in our lives we have experienced the falls. If you have also, then you know firsthand that the life of a river does not end at the bottom of the fall. The river instead swirls itself together again and continues on—now on a different level than before, a level even closer to sea level, which has been its goal all along.

You are closer to your destination after having had a spill, so count those times as blessings and move on. The falls will remain there, in your past, ceaselessly active, but you will have flowed downstream, out of sight and hearing of it. Knowing that you can’t go back to it, you are wise enough to leave it behind you as you flow onward toward your destiny.

Eventually, we, as rivers, carve wide valleys of maturity in our senior years after which may come meanders that sometimes run back upon themselves nearly full circle. In those meandering times, we may wonder why our lives have to double back to learn lessons again, but learn we do, allowing us to flow onward. Just as the rivers deepen and become still, we know that as we gain deep wisdom in our lives, our spirits become peaceful and still within us.

Then, we become mellow in anticipation of our approach to the delta to greet the waters of the sea. There, the fresh and salty blend as the original snow-melt melds into the sea. Is this where the river ends? No, it does not. The droplets of an impact that you have made on your journey are transported back to the formation of the initial spring as the journey begins anew through the lives of future generations. Our lives are like a river that flows through us, not a reservoir accumulating life for ourselves. The living legacy that we create each day should flow into others so that their journeys through life will be rich and satisfying because of what flows through us.

From the creation of humans in the Garden of Eden, rivers were the source of nourishment and life, as is described in Genesis 2:10, “A river watering the garden flowed from Eden; from there it was separated into four headwaters.” In the same way, we should desire God as David wrote in Psalms 42:1, “As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God.”

Now, think about how many parallels you can find between a river and your life. And let us be mindful to invest our time wisely on our trek of life and keep moving forward each day.

The Habit of Forming Habits – Part 2

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We will continue studying the concept of habit formation in this Wisdom Note. In our previous note, we learned that the best way to establish lasting positive habits in our lives is by starting exceedingly small, even if it seems ridiculous.

At times, I personally struggle with this as I want to jump headlong into everything that I am doing, but experience and science prove that if we want to create habits we need to “Make it so easy you can’t say no and realize actually doing the habit is much more important than how much you do.”

As a reminder, we need to understand that it is very important to realize that if we desire to rid ourselves of bad habits in any area of our lives, we must, at the same time form new, positive habits, or we will just fall back into the same routine and never be free of the shackles that hold us back. A key law of life is that when we say “no” to one choice, we are automatically saying “yes” to another. As we begin to say “no” to our bad habits let us say “yes” to positive habits that replace them.

When it comes to habit formation, we would do well to read and understand the Apostle Paul’s letter to the church in Galatia 6:6-8, “Don’t be misled — you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant. Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful nature will harvest decay and death from that sinful nature. But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit.”

Last week and this week we are exploring the research from habit creation specialist Leo Barbauta called “The Four Habits that Form Habits” trails. Let’s pick up where we left off.

Habit Guideline #2: Be Mindful of Negative Thoughts

Most people will skip this habit because they don’t think it’s necessary. Then they’ll wonder why the habit failed.

Habit formation starts in the mind. You must learn to watch your thoughts. We all have a lot of self-talk that we may not be aware of. If you are trying to lose weight your mind will start rationalizing the idea of just one cookie, thinking “One won’t hurt! Why are you torturing yourself? Is this really worth it? Just give in. It’s much easier. You can’t do this. It’s too hard.”

Think about those thoughts for a second. How many do you have that you are not aware of? How powerful are they? Did you realize they were there? How many times did they cause you to eat something that you shouldn’t? And how often do these kinds of thoughts act on you?

The same thoughts happened when you start running or exercise. Your mind will say, “You should stop now. It’s too hard. You’ll feel much better when you stop.” And of course, thoughts like these are very tempting, very powerful. I find for myself, that if I establish shorter milestones when I reach them, I then have the strength and desire to continue on.

When you find these negative thoughts creep into your mind, realize that they are just thoughts. They don’t have to control you. They are just things that happen, like a leaf falling from a tree as you run by. They are interesting phenomena but not determinations of life.

Watch your thoughts. Learn to let them go. Get good at discomfort. Triumph over your childish selfish scared mind.

Habit Guideline #3: Savor the Habit

This is the opposite of Habit Guideline #2 but possibly even more important. We have to rid ourselves of negative thoughts and replace them with positive thoughts. Your new habit isn’t some sort of sacrifice or some sort of chore you need to get through to get to your better life. Your new habit is your better life. The new habit, whatever it is, should be something you enjoy or choose to learn to enjoy. Otherwise, you won’t do it long term.

If you want to eat healthier, learn to enjoy the taste of delicious, fresh, healthy food. An apple can be just as delicious as any junk food snack if you pay attention and savor it.

On the flip side, I don’t know anyone that enjoyed their first drag on a cigarette. It became a negative addictive habit over time. Eating healthy requires that you change your taste buds to savor and enjoy what your body naturally craves. Recent science is proving that sugar can be as addictive and harmful as cocaine. It is only that the resulting obesity is more culturally acceptable than drug addiction that there is not an outcry about it.

If you are exercising, pay close attention to and enjoy the movement of the body, the feeling of exertion, the flow of blood through your brain, and the focus that comes as a result. Once you work up to strenuous exercise, your body produces its own reward centers that allow you to crave that which is good for you.

If you are writing, sit with the words and enjoy the quiet concentration and the exhilaration of creation. Every blog post or novel was written one word at a time. Work up to creating your own novel of life one word at a time, and make it a good story, a legacy story.

Learn to enjoy the habit, and the habit will become its own reward. The goal isn’t some distant achievement, but the process itself. As I remind you each day, enjoy your journey.

Habit Guideline #4: Have a Plan for When You Falter

This is really key. There are so many people I know who have done really well with their habit for 6-7 days, and then when some disruption happened (it’s incredibly common), they never restarted.

Get in the habit of restarting when you falter.

How do you do that? Accountability is the key. Make commitments that have an impact. Here is one example…

Promise a friend or your spouse that you’ll pay $25 if you miss your new habit two days in a row, then double that the next day ($50), double that if you miss four days in a row ($100), and double that every day you miss in a row after that. If you don’t have the monetary means to do that, promise to mow someone’s lawn, wash their car, or clean their toilets if you miss three days in a row. Have others hold you accountable. Give them permission to “get in your face” if you miss two or three days in a row. Deny yourself something that you really desire, if you miss your habit multiple times.

Missing one day in a row is not the end of the habit. Missing two days isn’t great, but you can recover. Miss three days, and the habit is shot. So don’t allow yourself to miss three days, and try your hardest not to even miss two days. This is important. It can literally be the difference between a rich and satisfying life or one lived poorly and without gratification.

Recap: Forming the Four Habits

So how do you form the habits that form all other habits?

  1. Keep it as simple as possible.
  2. Get rid of negative thinking.
  3. Install positive thinking.
  4. Prepare ahead for excuses.

Now choose one incredibly easy habit to do in the next two weeks…Floss one tooth. Drink one glass of water. Eat one fruit. Exercise, meditate, write, or do yoga for 2 minutes a day. Just two minutes. Then apply all four habits to those two minutes every day. You’ll start to learn how to form a new habit, and that’s a skill that will pay off for a lifetime.

The Habit of Forming Habits – Part 1

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I actually work better with a set schedule based on the routines and habits that I have established over the years. I enjoy rising early and having my exercise and devotional/meditation time before breakfast because it sets the tone for the entire day of productivity. Habits are part of everyone’s life. We just need to make sure that they are positive and productive habits.

In our next two Wisdom Notes, we will explore the habit of habit formation. This may be very difficult for some because habit formation takes time and perseverance. Fortunately, there are some clear principles to form and maintain habits. There is a comprehensive path for setting habits in our lives, and if followed, we can form good habits, as we get rid of those that are bad.

A few years ago I had the opportunity to attend a trial where the defendant had shackles on his ankles and wrist, and it was very evident that it was difficult, very slow, and painful for him to walk. In the same way, if we have shackles of bad habits impacting our lives, it will hold us back, and we will never be able to fulfill our God-given potential until we are freed from these bad habits.

It is very important to realize that if we desire to rid ourselves of bad habits in any area of our lives that we must at the same time form new, positive habits, or we will just fall back into the same routine and never be free of the shackles that restrict us. Remember that one key law of life is that when we say “no” to one choice, we are automatically saying “yes” to another. This applies to habits also.

This reminds me of the story that Jesus told when the religious leaders of his day accused him of casting out demons by the power of Satan. As I read this passage from Luke 11:24-26, where Jesus speaks of evicting demons from people, let’s use the comparison of the demons being bad habits in our lives. Many times we do refer to our bad habits as our demons.

“When an evil spirit leaves a person, it goes into the desert, searching for rest. But when it finds none, it says, ‘I will return to the person I came from.’ So it returns and finds that its former home is all swept and in order. Then the spirit finds seven other spirits more evil than itself, and they all enter the person and live there. And so that person is worse off than before.”

The same principles apply to our habits as to the literal demons that Jesus cast out during His early ministry.

Next we will explore some research from habit creation specialist Leo Barbauta as we investigate of “The Four Habits that Form Habits.”

One of the biggest obstructions that we encounter on our quest to good habit formation is that we visualize what the destination should be and we become overwhelmed to the point of paralysis, so we don’t make the changes needed.

When we do get motivated to change, at first we think that we can take large steps and make great strides. The trail is rather smooth and flat, and we want to rush ahead. That is until we reach the steep slope and we have already expended our energy. Then we have nothing else to give when it becomes difficult, so we stop and the old habits come rushing back into our lives.

As we explore the fundamentals of habits, we will cover four key guidelines to form habits. If you can learn these four habits, you’ll have the foundation to form pretty much any habit. Let’s start with the first.

Habit Guideline #1: Start Exceedingly Small

Let us look at a couple of practical examples.

Let’s say you want to work out more, but you have a hard time forming the habit. Most people have this issue. From having to get dressed in order to go to the gym to actually go to the gym to the thought of a hard workout, your mind tends to put off the habit.

The solution is exceedingly simple. The first day just do 3 push-ups in the privacy of your home or walk/jog for just one minute. Make it so easy you can’t say no. You may think, “Now, Guthrie, that is just plain ridiculous. Anyone can walk for a minute or do three push-ups.” You will think that’s too easy, and tell yourself that you have to do more than that.

Unfortunately, it’s this mindset that causes people to fail at habits. We think we can do more, despite past evidence to the contrary, and so we aspire to greatness. We try to climb Everest before we’ve learned to walk.

Learn the fundamentals of habits before you try to do the advanced skills. If I could convince people of that, I could get millions to change their habits, be healthier, simplify, procrastinate less, and start creating amazing things.

Another common habit that too few people actually do is flossing their teeth daily. So, my advice is just flossing one tooth the first night. Of course, that seems so ridiculous you may laugh. But I’m totally serious. If you start out exceedingly small, you won’t say no. You’ll feel crazy if you don’t do it. So, you’ll actually do it! That’s the point. Actually doing the habit is much more important than how much you do.

If you want to exercise, it’s more important that you actually do the exercise on a regular basis rather than doing enough to get a benefit right away. Sure, maybe you need 30 minutes of exercise to see some fitness improvements, but try doing 30 minutes a day for two weeks without missing. See how far you get, if you haven’t been exercising regularly. Then, if you don’t succeed, try 1-2 minutes a day. See how far you get there.

If you can do two weeks of 1-2 minutes of exercise, you have a strong foundation for a habit. Add another week or two, and the habit is almost ingrained. Once the habit is strong, you can gradually add a few minutes each week. Soon you’ll be doing 30 minutes on a regular basis even though you started out really small.

I regularly exercise for at least an hour every morning, including a HIIT training, pull-ups, push-ups and crunches…but I did not start with an hour of intense running, I worked up to it gradually. I also gradually added getting up a few minutes earlier to compensate for the extra time needed to run and exercise. One important factor in ensuring success is to prepare ahead of time. For instance, I lay out all of my exercise clothes the night before, so that I am ready to get dressed in them in the morning.

Want to start a good habit? Try the flossing habit. Try to floss every tooth every night, and see how far you get. You might succeed, but if you fail, try just one tooth per night and see how far you get. Your extent will vary, but on average most people get farther with a habit when they start small.

One glass of water a day. One extra vegetable. Three push-ups. One sentence of writing a day. Two minutes of meditation. This is how you start a habit that lasts. Start small and gradually build from there. Remember that life is a marathon, not a sprint.

As we implement the “Four Habits that Form Habits” in our lives, we are learning that habit formation is not that difficult, but how we approach it makes it difficult.