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3 Ways to Accept Criticism with Grace

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While none of us like to be criticized, sometimes it is needed and helpful, providing we use it to improve ourselves. On our trek today, we discover three ways to accept criticism with grace.

You may be able to relate to this scenario…Heat filled my cheeks as he spoke. His words pressed harder and harder until my heart felt trapped beneath them. What had I done to deserve such criticism? I sat in silent astonishment without a clue how to respond. I just wanted the conversation to be over.

We have all experienced times when a friend, co-worker, or relative offered harsh judgments. But there are also times when the words spoken, though hurtful at first, are exactly what we need to hear. So how do you discern between the two? How do you know if this person is giving constructive feedback or condemning your actions?

Let’s look at a reference from Paul’s letter to the Church in Galatia found in Galatians 2:11-12, “But when Peter came to Antioch, I had to oppose him to his face, for what he did was very wrong. When he first arrived, he ate with the Gentile believers, who were not circumcised. But afterward, when some friends of James came, Peter wouldn’t eat with the Gentiles anymore. He was afraid of criticism from these people who insisted on the necessity of circumcision.”

In Paul’s instruction to the Galatian church, he tells about a time he corrected Peter. Paul noticed Peter acting one way around Jews and another way when he was only with the Gentiles. I can imagine how difficult it was for Paul to address this matter with Peter. After all, Peter was one of the twelve disciples. He was a bold proclaimer of the gospel before Paul became a believer. Yet Paul followed God’s instruction and tackled this difficult topic with Peter.

So how do we handle these situations when they come up? Paul’s story gives us valuable insight into these often uncomfortable moments. The following three tips will help us determine a course of action when someone we know offers opinions we don’t want to hear.

1. Listen up, and listen well.

I was stunned that day by the unexpected turn in the conversation with my friend. For that reason, I missed part of what was said. Certain phrases stood out louder than the rest. You hold on to control… let other people help…more communication. I focused on the negative and blocked out most everything else.

So often we miss the message in its entirety because we don’t hear everything. As the discussion begins, let’s determine to focus our attention. Ask questions. Create an open dialogue and keep the exchange going. Above all, we must resist getting defensive. Like Peter, God uses people of like faith to teach us valuable lessons. But we could miss the opportunity if we don’t listen.

2. Consider the source.

After the exchange, let’s ask ourselves these questions:

  • Is he/she coming to me with concerns for the right reason?
  • Is he/she someone I trust to provide me with wise counsel?

If the answer to these two questions is yes, then we should allow our hearts to be open to the individual’s words.

Paul demonstrated his leadership ability and his devotion to God’s call on his life through years of commitment to ministry. No doubt he was someone Peter could trust. Peter knew Paul, and he knew the Holy Spirit guided Paul’s heart and actions. For this reason, Peter could accept Paul’s concern with confidence.

3. Be receptive and appreciative.

As family members, work associates, or ministry co-laborers we need to understand that we are working toward a common purpose. Especially if they are fellow Christ followers, we must remain united with other believers. Whatever action steps you decide to take or not to take, reassure the person that confronted you. Renew your commitment to the common goal. Let him/her know you appreciate him or her. Gratitude eases tension and builds relationships. We should not let our pride control our thoughts and actions.

There have been times in our marriage when Paula has had to confront me on issues, and let’s face it, confrontation creates discomfort! Although internally I would feel resistance rising, I knew if it was a concern to her, then it would be best for me to listen and check my heart. Usually, it was something I was oblivious to and by making minor changes, as needed, would defuse the situation. Even if I did not think it was justified, I became a better husband through it. Paula risked hurting my feelings to bring about change that would ultimately improve our relationship. She has become a trusted voice and gentle admonisher. After taking these matters to God in prayer, I resolve to work toward bettering myself as a husband and a listener.

We can find wisdom in Paul’s exchange with Peter today. Criticism can hurt if we allow ourselves to be offended, but we can grow in Christ by making the most of it. Paul and Peter worked through many obstacles in ministry, and we can too. Sometimes submitting to God’s plan means daring to listen.

Let us endeavor to accept criticism with grace. In our next Wisdom Note, we will explore another topic to help us become better than we are today. So encourage your friends and family to join us and and listen each day to our podcast.

Anyone Ever Feel Rich or Happy

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On our trek today, we discover why no one ever feels rich or happy.

One day I’d like to meet someone who is actually rich. Sometimes I think I’ve found one, but it always turns out I’m wrong. No matter how rich I assumed the person to be, within a few minutes I find out just how “poor” that person really is.

Take the guy who sold his company for more than $40 million. (Well, actually $100 million in total; $40 million is his share.) I was sure he was rich. Then he told me how for tax and estate planning purposes he had structured the disbursement of funds over 10 years. So sure, on paper, he may be “worth” $40 million, but he only gets around $4 million each year. And despite all that nifty financial planning, the taxes are still so high he doesn’t see nearly that much. It’s a bummer.

Another example is the guy who just splashed a cool $450 grand on a Lexus LFA with the Nürburgring package. His everyday car is a Porsche 911 Turbo S. I was sure he was rich. Then he told me what he wants most in life is a Bugatti Veyron only they cost about $2 million. Sure, he has money he said, but he doesn’t have that kind of money. He thinks about it all the time. It’s a bummer.

Then there is the guy with the 110-foot yacht. Strictly speaking, it’s a ship, not a boat since it’s big enough to carry several small boats and a couple of jet skis on a platform at the stern. And, it has a pool. I was sure he was rich. Then he told me how expensive the yacht is just to own: fixed costs like cleaning, upkeep, dock fees, and crew run over six figures a year. And what about the expense of actually taking it for a cruise? He told me firing it up is so expensive he sometimes has to think twice about whether to take it out of the harbor. It’s a bummer.

How about the story of the guy who – I know it’s a cliché, but it’s still true – started a company in his garage, financing it with credit cards and a loan from his father-in-law. A couple of decades later his company owns its building (and a few more), employs 500 people, and generates tens of millions in annual revenue. He put his three kids through Ivy League schools and then gave them significant seed money to start their own businesses. I was sure he was rich. Then he explained how he still has to work 60- to 70-hour weeks and can maybe take one week of vacation a year. Sure, he would like to have more free time, but running a company that size requires constant and total attention. Why it could all go away in an instant, he said. And then what would happen to his family? The very thought makes him shudder. It’s a bummer.

So I decided to set my sights on a different target. By definition there can’t be that many rich people; maybe statistical probability was the problem? So I decided to look for someone who is happy. After all, not everyone can be rich, but anyone can be happy.

I thought I found one when I met an entrepreneur who had just landed her first big customer. And, it was not just a big customer, a truly enabling customer – one who made it possible for her to hire much-needed employees, make long-delayed equipment purchases, and finally get creditors off her back. I figured that surely made her feel happy.

Then she told me how much she hates to recruit and interview…and actually having to supervise those employees on a daily basis? Ugh. She told me how adding equipment, maintaining a larger inventory, and managing the huge increase in production was such a pain. “Don’t get me wrong,” she told me as she looked around to make sure no one overheard, “but I often long for the good old days when life was a lot simpler.” It’s kind of a bummer.

Another example is the guy who, after years of putting out feelers and constant hints, was finally invited to serve on the board of a startup. The company has potential, he said, but it’s not Twitter or Facebook or even Google. Now serving on one of those boards would be cool. This? He thought it would be fun, but it’s kind of a bummer.

Then there is the gal who just bought a bigger house? Bummed because it takes so much work to clean. The guy who just doubled his income? Bummed because now his taxes are higher. The gal who just landed her dream job? Bummed because now her daily commute is half an hour longer.

Seems no one I meet, no matter how much money or success they’ve achieved, is actually rich, not really. And although I’m stretching the premise to make a point, it seems no one I meet, no matter how fulfilling and gratifying their life might be, is actually happy, not really.

But that’s okay. I’ll keep looking. Someday I might find someone. And hopefully, that someone is you.

The moral of this story is anytime we place our financial confidence and personal happiness on earthly resources, we will never have enough and never be happy. If you are not content and happy where you are today with what you currently have, you will never be content or happy with more.

The 1st letter that the Apostle Paul wrote to understudy Timothy gave us the solution if you don’t consider yourself wealthy. It is found in 1 Timothy 6:6-8, “Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth. After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave it. So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content.”

If God has allowed you to obtain wealth in this world, the key to a life that is happy and full of joy is in 1 Timothy 6:17-18, “Teach those who are rich in this world not to be proud and not to trust in their money, which is so unreliable. Their trust should be in God, who richly gives us all we need for our enjoyment. Tell them to use their money to do good. They should be rich in good works and generous to those in need, always being ready to share with others.”

Let me ask you another question. When will you be content with what you have? What will make you happy? In our next Wisdom Note, we will explore another short story. Encourage your friends and family to join us and then come along each day for our day of our Wisdom-Trek, Creating a Legacy podcast.

The Wisdom of Being Teachable

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On our trek today, we discover why it is so important to be teachable. If you examine many of the most highly regarded members in any field, one of the most consistent similarities in their personalities is their ability to constantly learn and their desire to improve both themselves and their work. The ability to learn — and the confidence that you can learn — is the most powerful weapon you have at your disposal during all stages of your life.

There is an astonishing amount of research, both quantitative and anecdotal, showing that being teachable and able to adapt to whatever situation you find yourself in will be what ultimately makes or breaks you. Developing the humility required to be this way will be the most solid foundation you can lay to build a life worthy of God’s name.

Here are a few suggestions to help out.

1. Be aware and perceptive. Watch and listen attentively.

Epictetus, a Greek philosopher, once remarked, “We have two ears and one mouth so we can listen twice as much as we speak.” There’s no point in arguing with a famous philosopher, or more importantly, God’s design. Using your eyes and ears more than your mouth in all situations can pay unforeseen dividends. Speaking up is not a crime, but speaking without understanding or forethought usually makes us appear hasty and arrogant — two qualities that will not serve you well. Proverbs 10:19 puts it this way, “Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut.” Use the information that comes to you through listening and watching to learn and better yourself, mixing it with your own thoughts and ideas. In time, some small piece of information you might have missed had you not been paying attention may sway your life with unimagined power.

2. Embrace failure as a learning opportunity.

Be glad when things go wrong! It usually means you are pushing yourself, which is exactly what you should be doing. If nothing ever goes awry, how do you know that you are really doing anything? How do you know that the knowledge you are accumulating or the skill you are learning is truly sinking in? You will need to be able to distinguish the good from the bad. The best way to learn how to do this is to make mistakes yourself. There is no faster way to learn and no better opportunity that forces you to change what steered you wrong. Proverbs 12:1 tells us, “To learn, you must love discipline; it is stupid to hate correction.”

3. Cultivate a love of knowledge for its own sake.

A lot of the time we learn things for a specific reason — to get through a class, to put on a resume, to make money…That mentality is troublesome to adopt and will not allow us to really understand and master the subject. Rather than viewing learning as an endless exploration of ourselves and the world we inhabit, we consider it a chore to be accomplished. By treating learning as a lifestyle, not as a means to an end, we increase our ability to progress and develop. Being teachable and understanding that learning will never end — yet will always bring us closer to our potential — is far more fulfilling than imagining it as an obstacle to be conquered.

4. Treat everyone and everything with respect.

You don’t have to be in a classroom to learn. By engaging with everything you come into contact with throughout your daily life, you find little nuggets of knowledge and wisdom in the nooks and crannies of every human and the many facets of nature. It’s tough to do all the time — our brains can generally only focus hard on one thing at a time, leaving little room for other information — but even an attempt at being mindful and remaining open can yield surprising results.

5. Read to help consolidate the thoughts in your head.

This one is a bit of a no-brainer. You would be surprised at what you can learn from a regular reading routine. One of the most beautiful benefits, however, is the way someone else’s words can solidify your own thoughts and lead to an otherwise missed revelation.

6. Write — even if just to get out of your head.

The therapeutic nature of writing is well researched, but if you really want to solidify some learning, try to write it down clearly and concisely. We spend a lot of time watching others do something or reading about how they do it, but unless we get it out of our brains and through the rest of our bodies, we will never learn it.

7. Be patient and remember every great thing takes time. But keep moving forward.

Don’t be hasty in your learning. If you are under the age of 100, you probably don’t know as much as you think you do, so stay humble. Life is like any trade — you’ve got to take your apprenticeship first. We are all keen to display our genius and make a splash, but if we rush things too much, we will skip out on building a good foundation to build our goals on and risk being blown over by the first puff of adversity that comes our way. Give the world a bit of credit. It’s tough to fool, and by forcing your way through, you miss out on many subtleties that determine success or failure. Instead, try every day to do at least one thing, no matter how small, to keep your head in a teachable mode and work towards a goal. It may take an entire lifetime, but nothing else will be as fulfilling. And hey, what else are you going to do with all that time? Proverbs 18:5 explains it best, “Intelligent people are always ready to learn. Their ears are open for knowledge.”

Let me ask you another question…Are you teachable? It is wise to remain teachable your entire life. There is so much to experience and enjoy. Next week’s Wisdom Notes will be back on the trails as we explore another short story. To receive a daily dose of wisdom encourage your friends and family to join us and then come along each day on our podcast.

A New Definition of Success

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On our trek today, we look at what it really means to be successful. When we think of success, most of us gravitate towards being successful financially. This is just one area of true success. The primary reason that we may choose to pursue financial success is to have the resources to have a greater impact on the lives of others.

Success must cover all 7 areas of your Wheel of Life, which are Spiritual, Family, Physical, Mind, Personal, Financial, and Career. Success should also be balanced as much as possible over these 7 areas.

As we head up the trail, let me ask you this question, “What does it mean to you to be successful?”

Let’s start looking for the answer by reading 2 Kings 18:5-7, “Hezekiah trusted in the Lord, the God of Israel. There was no one like him among all the kings of Judah, either before or after his time. He remained faithful to the Lord in everything, and he carefully obeyed all the commands the Lord had given Moses. So the Lord was with him, and Hezekiah was successful in everything he did.”

Success usually brings to mind financial achievement or being number one. Others would define success by the bumper sticker, “He who dies with the most toys wins.” Some like to think that success is being busy—on the go, racing from one appointment to another and having too much to do with too little time to do it.

The problem with these definitions of success is they exact a high cost. The Executive Digest has noted, “The trouble with success is that the formula is the same as the one for a nervous breakdown.” That’s sobering, uncomfortable, and too often true.

Maybe the definition of success that you are familiar with is not the correct one. I would encourage you to reassess your definition of success before it is too late. May I propose a new look at the word S.U.C.C.E.S.S.?

Service – There is no such thing as success without service. The secret of success lies in meeting the needs of others. And when we are meeting people’s needs, we will discover fulfillment.

Understanding contentment – Let’s not measure success by how much we own or how much money we have but by a sense of inner contentment. Real success is always internal, never external. As the Apostle Paul wrote in Philippians 4:11, “Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have.”

Character – Character is of greater value than how much money or status we have. A man’s best test of character is revealed in how he treats people around him. So measure your success, not by your possessions and achievements, but by the quality of your character and conduct.

Compassion – What really matters is not money, power, and ego but issues of the heart—such as compassion, kindness, bravery, generosity, and love. Do you love people more than things? Luke 6:36 says, “You must be compassionate, just as your Father is compassionate.”

Excellence – Excellence is not being the best but being your best.

Significance – The popular notion of success has not cut it. A growing number of people yearn for significance more than success. Significance comes by giving ourselves to something that is greater than us and that will outlast us. – Leave a living legacy each day.

Sacrifice – A problem in our society is that we are spending our entire lives looking for something worth living for. It would be better if we found something worth dying for. Once again Paul wrote in his letter to the Romans 12:1,“And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him.”

Success under these guidelines will bring you into harmony with God’s guidance.

Let me ask you another question. How do YOU spell success? Let us make sure that we are successful in all 7 areas on our Wheel of Life. All of us have something we can learn each day, so encourage your friends and family to join us each day on our podcast.

Life Is Like a Whirlwind

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On today’s trek, we want to explore how life can become so hectic that we seem to be caught up in a whirlwind of activities all the time. We need to determine the importance of prioritizing the most important tasks each day.

Run, run, run, and then run some more. It is so easy to be in a hurry today darting from one thing to another gaining little ground in any one thing. For a lot of us, our lives are a whirlwind of activity with household tasks, work, all of the messages on our latest technological device that seems to be attached to our hip, and piled up work to catch up on. It never seems to stop.

In the past, you probably heard about establishing priorities and labeling these Priority A, B, and C where A is the most important and had to be done right away. It seems that most of us have forgotten this rule. However, recently, I watched a video online and was reacquainted with the absolute necessity of establishing priorities and not allowing oneself to become distracted by the myriad of information coming at us at full bore. The real challenge is to be able to control the extraneous demands coming to us demanding our attention.

But, when it is all said and done, there are reasons to set priorities on a daily basis. If you do not, you will see yourself flitting like a hummingbird from flower to flower or a project or demand and on to the next without getting anything marked off the major to do list.

An example of planning and prioritizing is found in Proverbs 24:27, “Do your planning and prepare your fields before building your house.”

If you haven’t set your daily priorities for quite some time, maybe a suggestion or two would be welcome.

The easiest and simplest of ways and still one of the most effective is to start to record your major priorities for the day on your calendar. This can be done on your iPad, iPhone, tablet, or any other electronic device, but some prefer to record it on a physical calendar with a pen. Whichever way works best for you, it is best to put it into place immediately. Some science seems to indicate that initially using a physical calendar and pen lets your brain understand the connection you are making, and it is this conscious connection that makes your note more effective.

The real challenge comes next, and that is to remove or ignore all other events, issues, or demands for your time or attention that could knock you off your track. This is not to say, however, that there might not come along a much more urgent request from a superior. If this happens, you obviously must attend to it, and the request becomes your focus. However, what was left uncompleted before the new request must be put back on the top of the list as soon as your requested action is complete.

The Apostle Peter instructs us to prepare even our minds in Chapter 1 verse 13, “So prepare your minds for action and exercise self-control. Put all your hope in the gracious salvation that will come to you when Jesus Christ is revealed to the world.”

Focus is the key to accomplishing what is necessary. It’s an easy word to spell. It contains only five letters, but it is probably one of the most powerful words there are to move forward with confidence and expected results. One definition for focus that comes from a fellow podcaster and friend is: Follow One Course Until Success. As much as possible, prioritize and stay on task.

This week we looked at how our life is like a whirlwind but we do have control of the outcome. We do not need to be blown and tossed if we plan, prepare, and focus. The lessons that we can learn from each other are valuable, so encourage your friends and family to join us each day on our podcast.