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Using Your Words Wisely

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Learn to Shut Up

As we begin our journey this week, we have to realize that there are many times where instead of speaking we learn to keep our mouth closed. Each time we speak, it is a conscious choice to do so.

Many of the outcomes of our trek of life are determined by the choices that we make each day. While we cannot always control the path that lies in front of us, as we take one step at a time, we can make choices that will help us to navigate through trails successfully. As we take each step, we can learn the lessons which each new trail brings to us.

One of the most difficult areas of our life to control consistently is the use of our words. We need to learn when to keep our mouth closed. Have you ever been with a group of people that you respect and you find yourself saying something completely out of place? Have you ever spoken to a loved one or associate in a way that cuts them to the core, and as soon as it comes out of your mouth you think to yourself, “How foolish it was to say such hurtful words!?” Our words can lift someone to the heights of heaven or plunge them into the very depths of hell.

In our Wisdom Notes today and next week, we will first explore just how difficult, but important, it is to control our tongues and then weave in 10 practical lessons on when it is best just to shut up. As a Christ follower, much of the wisdom that I have gained throughout my life comes from God’s Word, the Bible. It has much to say about how important it is to choose our words wisely and to limit our words to those that are helpful to others. Christ’s half-brother James wrote several paragraphs about how difficult it really is to control our tongues, in his letter to the Jews that were scattered across the Roman Empire. In Chapter 3 verses 1-12 he wrote,

“Dear brothers and sisters, not many of you should become teachers in the church, for we who teach will be judged more strictly. Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way.

We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches.

But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. And among all the parts of the body, the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself.

People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish, but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison. Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right! Does a spring of water bubble out with both fresh water and bitter water? Does a fig tree produce olives, or a grapevine produce figs? No, and you can’t draw fresh water from a salty spring.”

Wow! If we just read this snippet of James’s letter, it would seem like it is impossible to control our tongue. If you think about unwise words that you spoke just this week, there is clear evidence that we all suffer from the dreaded diseases known as “diarrhea of the mouth” and “foot in mouth disease.” Fortunately, what is impossible with humans is possible with God.

While hiking, if you want to see amazing wildlife and birds, you need to be very quiet, which means keeping your mouth shut, even when you want to go on about how much you know. So, as you trek through today and tomorrow, you will arrive at 10 clearings along your trail where you will be able to gaze through the trees and see some amazing sites. These are examples of 10 times when you should just shut up. We will visit the first two clearings today and finish up with the remaining 8 tomorrow.

“Knowing when to open your mouth and when to keep it shut is valuable wisdom.”

There are times where we don’t speak up when we should, but more often than not we do speak when we shouldn’t. Wise people speak less because they know the value of keeping quiet. This week and next we will explore a total of 10 lessons which we can learn about speaking.

Lesson #1 – Keep quite when you want to correct someone.

This is particularly important when that someone is a new acquaintance or a superior. If you correct them, you might embarrass them, and you’re not actually going to gain anything. They might not believe you, and you could wind up in a dumb argument about it, taking out your phone and finding sources that prove you’re right until you shut them down. Sure, you’ll have demonstrated your superior knowledge, but a lot of people actually hate that. In many cases, if someone misspeaks, there is no need to correct them because what they have said is not of importance. If it is really important, meet with them in private and discuss the incorrect information and give them an opportunity to correct it.

“Never miss a chance to keep your mouth shut.”

Lesson #2 – Never miss a chance to keep your mouth shut when you have set a big goal.

You might think that announcing your intentions to others will increase your chances of achieving your goals, but research suggests the opposite is true. NYU psychology professor Peter Gollwitzer found in four different studies that people who kept their intentions to themselves were more likely to achieve them than those who made them public. The reasoning found in this study was that once a goal is announced publicly, our subconscious leads us to believe we have already completed that goal. Confiding in one accountability partner that will make sure that you reach your goal is a much more effective way of meeting that goal. Another reason for not trumpeting your big plans is that if you don’t follow through, you’ll be seen as flaky.

Next in our Wisdom Notes we will explore the remaining 8 times when we need to learn to shut up.

Learning to Be Uncomfortable

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Get Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable

The trails of life can be unknown and unpredictable at times. We need to understand that life is not always how we would like it to be, but it is always how it is. We may become very uncomfortable with the paths that we travel, so we need to choose to enjoy those journeys even in less than ideal conditions. Change makes all of us a bit uncomfortable, even if the outcome of that change is beneficial long-term. As our global community rapidly changes, as we eluded to yesterday, we must learn to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. That is the trail that we will travel together this week in our Wisdom Notes.

This inspiring principle is actually taken from the Navy SEALS as one of their mantras is “Get comfortable being uncomfortable.” Why is this so important? In your businesses and in your life, if you want to learn, grow, and succeed, you will have to go through a process of being uncomfortable to achieve growth. Anyone familiar with farming knows that in order to have a crop, the original seed is destroyed through the growth process. Also, Jesus confirms this principle in John 12:24, “I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat is planted in the soil and dies, it remains alone. But its death will produce many new kernels — a plentiful harvest of new lives.”

“Growth and success in life only comes after you have pushed and challenged yourself.”

Let’s look at three practical examples:

If you want to be physically fit, if you want to be healthy, or if you want to be somebody who has a lot of energy, what is required? You must exercise and work out on a regular basis. Many people go to a gym so they have the proper equipment and are able to stay focused. But, the gym is not somewhere you go for comfort. It’s somewhere you go to get really uncomfortable for an hour, or a half an hour, or maybe for some of you, a couple of hours. You are going to push yourself. You’re going to see how much weight you can lift, how long you can run, or how hard you can push your body. During that time it’s going to be wildly uncomfortable. But, on the back side of that discomfort is better health, better energy, and a better physical appearance.

Tied to being physically fit, if you desire to be healthy, you must eat what is good and healthy for you, which will mean preparing your own meals using fresh, healthy, and whole foods. You’ll also have to turn away from comfort foods and other food items that may taste good as you are eating them but do major damage to your body, including the horrible side effect of gaining weight. You have to be comfortable with feeling hungry and being uncomfortable until your body adapts to the new types of food that you consume.

To be successful in business requires hard work, dedication, and, at times, long hours with very little reward. You have to stretch yourself and learn. You have to be willing to risk the rejection and receive a lot of “no” in order to get to the potential for a “yes.” The success is only going to come after you’ve stepped out of your comfort zone.

So, how do we prepare ourselves? How do we train to be uncomfortable so that we can actually get comfortable with our discomfort?

Learn Something New

Always push yourself to learn something new in any area of life. Maybe try learning how to cook differently or gradually work up from walking to running. Any time you push yourself, you’re stepping outside of your comfort zone in a particular area of life and starting to build success. As you start to have some success in that area, you can take what you’ve learned there and apply it to other areas of your life.

Recruit the Help of Others

Maybe it’s a coach, trainer or an accountability partner. It’s somebody else who can help push you and who can help keep you accountable so that you don’t slip and fall on this new trail in your life. That person can also be right alongside you learning that same sport or that new hobby or that new skill at the same time as you so you’re pushing and motivating each other.

Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.”

Break It Down

Sometimes when we step outside of our comfort zones, we can get really overwhelmed with everything we need to learn and everything we need to do. It can start to weigh us down, it can overwhelm any of us, no matter how adaptable to change we are. Navy Seal Mark Owen talks about this in his life when he got into the Navy SEAL boot camp. He says,

“Man, I was so overwhelmed. But what I did is I broke everything down into small little bite-sized chunks. It was like, “If I can make it to breakfast, I’ll be okay.’” And when he got to breakfast, and he survived breakfast, he said: “Now I just need to make it to lunch.” And then, “Now I just need to make it to dinner.” And then after dinner was over, “I just have to do it again tomorrow.” He took it one day at a time, one step at a time. You don’t have to do it all right away.

Go For It

At some point, you just have to go for it. You’re just going to have to go all in. You can’t try this. You can’t keep going, “Well, I’ll just do a little bit here, a little bit there…” At some point, you’re just going to have to say “I’m in! I’m going to make this happen. I’m going to risk discomfort because this is something that I want and that is so important to me.” And when you do that, you’re going to find that you’re actually capable of so much more than you ever believed.

As we make progress on the uncomfortable trails of life, let’s follow the Apostle Paul’s words in his letter to the church in Rome in Chapter 5 verses 3-4, “We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation.”

So here’s what I want to leave you with. Get comfortable being uncomfortable. If you want to be successful in business and in life, get comfortable with your discomfort.

Next in our Wisdom Notes we will explore the “zone” where the magic of life happens.

Life at the Speed of Average

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When It’s Okay to Be Average…

So many people like to rush into things and attempt to accomplish everything at once. While this is exciting and enticing, it is also why so many people quickly burn out and abandon their resolutions and goals.

Many people have asked me, how do you keep up with a daily podcast along with your other responsibilities? I have to admit, it was not always easy, but, for now, I am committed to a five day per week podcast. It takes being consistently persistent in the small things of life to achieve what appears to be great results. You can even move a mountain one stone at a time, as long as you are consistently persistent for a very long period of time.

I certainly have no extraordinary abilities or talents. I am a fairly average person, but I have a desire and drive and choose to move one stone at a time from the mountains that stand in front of me. You too can be average and still be a mountain mover. Let’s look at what can be accomplished even if you feel that you are considered average.

I was an average student who grew up very poor on an apple orchard. I did not allow being “average” to hold me back. Through being consistently persistent, I have written nearly 1 million words within the daily journals in preparation for the podcast over the past 19 months. An initial glance it does look like a huge undertaking but it was accomplished by writing a few pages each day consistently.

Due to the nature of our consulting work and other projects, I do not have the luxury to hide away in a remote location and write, record, edit, and publish the daily podcast and journals in batches, but like our trek of life, I take it one day at a time. It reminds me of a little booklet that I read many years ago called “Little Is Much When God Is In It.” The premise of the book is to be faithful in the small everyday tasks, and you will be able to accomplish much. It’s okay to be average as long as you are faithful and consistently persistent in the small tasks of life.

This concept holds true for all areas of your life. For example, anyone can feel a burst of inspiration, head to the gym, and push themselves really hard for a single workout. That’s maximum speed but will produce little result long-term. Instead, what if you had a slower paced workout, but averaged 4 days per week in the last month? How about the last three months? Or the last year? What has your average speed been? Your long-term results will be much greater if you are consistent over an extended period of time, even if each day did not include an intense workout.

This principle holds true for your work habits, your eating habits, your relationship habits, and virtually every other area of your life. Here’s the surprising thing about average speed…It doesn’t take very long for average speed to produce incredible results.

So often we waste our time and energy thinking that we need a monumental effort to achieve anything significant. We tell ourselves that we need to get amped up on motivation and desire. We think that we need to work harder than everyone else. While I am all for continual improvement, it does not take herculean efforts to see huge results over a long period of time.

The natural question that follows from all of this is, “How do I increase my average speed?” Last year I read an article written by blogger James Clear where he wrote “Habit Graduation: How to Increase Your Average Speed.” In other words, graduating from your current habit level to one level higher. Basically, habit graduation is about increasing your average speed.

Here are some examples…

  • If your average speed is eating three healthy meals per week, can you “graduate” that to one healthy meal per day?
  • If your average speed is exercising once per week, can you “graduate” that to twice per week?
  • If your average speed is to only read spiritual or inspirational materials once per week, can you “graduate” to three times per week?

We all have an average speed when it comes to our habits. And, if we’re honest with ourselves, that average speed might be much slower than we’d like.

The truth is, anyone can get motivated and push themselves for one day, but very few people maintain a consistent effort every week without fail.

In your health, your work, and your life, it doesn’t require a massive effort to achieve incredible results — just being consistently persistent over a period of time.

This reminds me of the parable from Matthew 25:20-21, “The servant to whom he had entrusted the five bags of silver came forward with five more and said, ‘Master, you gave me five bags of silver to invest, and I have earned five more.’ The master was full of praise. ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together!”

Remember in your life if you are consistently persistent even at an average speed, you can move mountains. Let us work on increasing our average speed gradually at the same time.

God’s Love Every Day

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A Story of Christmas Love

Today let’s explore the ultimate gift, which is God’s gift to us – salvation through Jesus Christ whose birth we can celebrate every day. Today we are exploring the first part of our story.

How do you measure the value of a present? How do you judge its worth? By its size, or by its weight? Do you judge it by its cost, or perhaps by its usefulness?

Let’s examine God’s present to us. It was wrapped up in strips of clothes instead of fancy foil paper. It was laid in a smelly feeding bin, and not placed neatly under a scented pine tree. Regardless of these humble beginnings, God’s gift is the most important gift we will ever receive. It is a gift that we can share with everyone and yet retain it for ourselves. Let us examine God’s Word in 1 John 4:9-11, “God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins. Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other.”

How do you measure the value of God’s gift to you? I would suggest three ways.

1. God’s gift to you is measured by its usefulness.

What is the usefulness of His gift to us? Notice the usefulness of the gift in verse 9 above “…so that we might have eternal life through him.”

Jesus said it this way in John 10:10, “The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.”

What a promise that is! Not just life, not just existence, but a life which means something – a life that has worth, a rich (full) and satisfying life. A life with a purpose. A life which has value. A life with meaning. A life that will have eternal consequences and benefits.

Ephesians 1:4 says, “Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes.”

FACT: You are here for the glory of God.

Your purpose is to live a life that magnifies the Lord, to encourage and support fellow Christians, to become more like Christ, to use your gifts and talents in helping others, and to tell those who don’t know Jesus that there is Good News. Your purpose is to bring glory to God in all you do and say. And when all is said and done, you should long to hear the words written in Matthew 25:21, “The master was full of praise. ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together!’”

God says you have brought me glory. You have enlarged the kingdom of God. You have done well. God’s gift of salvation to us is useful. It gives us meaning and value. Our purpose is to bring glory to God.

Because of God’s love for us, He has provided the best Christmas gift to us – a rich and satisfying life on earth and a life for all eternity. God, through Jesus Christ, took on human flesh and dwelt among His creation so that He could redeem us. This Christmas take the time to reflect on the wonderful gift that God has given us and fulfill your purpose of bringing glory to God.

2. God’s gift to you is measured by its cost.

As we serve such a loving and Holy God, we are to give Him our best. He doesn’t want our leftovers. He doesn’t want cheap stuff. He wants the best you and I can give Him. Remember the story of the wise men when I referenced how King David insisted on paying the price for his offerings in 2 Samuel 24:24, “But the king replied to Araunah, ‘No, I insist on buying it, for I will not present burnt offerings to the Lord my God that have cost me nothing.’ So David paid him fifty pieces of silver for the threshing floor and the oxen.”

David said if he was going to give a sacrifice to the Lord he was going to give his best – something of value, something of worth. Why would David say that? Because that is what God has done for us. He has given us the most precious gift He could possibly give – something of worth, something of value, something that is one of a kind. He gave us His son.

Look at 1 John 4:10 again, “This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.”

God knew what had to be done. He knew what price had to be paid. He knew what it was going to cost Him, and He sent the best for you and me. He sent Jesus Christ – born as a child for the salvation of the world. If He gave that much to me, what should I give Him?

FACT: God’s gift to YOU is valuable.

3. God’s present to you is measured by its effectiveness.

If you get a toaster for Christmas, you expect it to be able to make toast. If you get a coffee machine, you expect it to make coffee. If you get a hair curler, you expect it to be able to curl hair. So the question that needs to be asked is “Is it effective? Does it do what it was intended to do?”

What is the love of God intended to do? CHANGE YOU.

Look at these three verses again in 1 John 4:9-11, “God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. 10 This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins. Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other.”

To me, they seem almost like a mathematical formula. 1+1=2. See how it all adds up. God’s gift is useful PLUS God’s gift is valuable EQUALS we ought to love one another.

Verse 11 says this, “Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other.”

“Ought” sounds like a suggestion, but it’s not. It’s not just some suggestion that God is making to us. The Greek word for “ought” could be translated “must”. The root word actually means “to owe something.” You owe a payment. You are under obligation. You must pay it back! Let me restate the last part of verse 11 again.

…since God loved us that much, we MUST love each other.

Why? Because God is not done loving the world yet. He wants to keep loving the world – through you and through me. Jesus said it this way in Matthew 5:14-16, “You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.”

Does God’s love change you? Does it affect your behavior? Does it affect the way you treat people? You see that is what love is intended to do. It doesn’t make toast. It doesn’t make coffee. It does not curl hair. It changes us into loving compassionate people who care for the needs of those who around us. God wants to love the world, but He has a desire to do through you. Are you willing to let God show His love through you?

“God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins. Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other,” 1 John 4:9-11.

FACT: We certainly MUST love each other.

Because of God’s love for us, He has provided the best Christmas gift to us – a rich and satisfying life on earth and a life for all eternity. God’s love is useful, God’s love is valuable, and God’s love is effective. On Christmas and every day, take the time to reflect on the wonderful gift that God has given us, and fulfill your purpose of bringing glory to God.

Making a Mindshift

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The Importance of Mindshift

Each day when we rise, we have some initial crucial decisions to make. How we start the day will largely determine how well the remainder of the day goes. I am sure you have been able to tell, I am generally a very positive person, but I am also rooted in the realities of life. You might say I am a positive realist. How we perceive each day is based on our paradigm tied to our attitude. Our paradigm is a framework containing our basic assumptions or our way of thinking.

Our basic assumptions or the way we think about life will, in large part, result in how our life will turn out. So in order to change the way we think about life we may very well need a paradigm shift (or mindshift) – a radical change in how we perceive each day.

Over the years of observation and experience, Paula and I have seen many times the self-fulfilling prophecy of a person’s basic attitude and beliefs. Instances of lost jobs, broken relationships, and failed businesses primarily due to a person’s attitude and belief that the situation would not work out well.

On the converse, those that are hopeful and anticipate that life will go well overall usually, experience success.

This is clearly evident in the Bible where the word mind and heart are many times interchangeable as is written in Proverbs 4:23, “Guard your heart (mind) above all else, for it determines the course of your life.”

What we think about, and how we allow it to permeate our life will determine the course of our lives. If we are fearful of stumbling over obstacles on the trail or falling down the slippery slopes of life, there is a great possibility that those fears will turn into reality.

If we keep in our minds that which is good and positive, then the fruit that is produced in our lives will be good, and the outcomes in life will be positive overall. Christ put it this way in Matthew 12:35, “A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart (mind), and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart (mind).”

Some days our trails will be flat and smooth and it is easy to start and remain positive. Other days we will wake up to find that a boulder has rolled onto the path right in front of us or a bear is lurking outside of our tent, and it will be difficult to even begin.

To be honest with ourselves, we have to admit that some of the difficult trails are caused by our own choices. I have observed over the years that some people enjoy living in crisis mode with much drama, for in some strange way that is their comfort zone. They are masters in self-sabotage.

Even when we have a positive, encouraging and victorious mindset/outlook on life, we cannot always control how rough the trails of life may be, but we can control our attitudes about those trails.

In my life of faith, this is made possible by acknowledging and accepting the gift of God’s Spirit which Christ promised before His return to heaven, after His resurrection. This promise is found in John 14:27, “I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.”

One of my favorite quotes from one of my Virtual Mentors Zig Ziglar is, “You are what you are and you are where you are because of what has gone into your mind. You change what you are and you change where you are by changing what goes into your mind.”