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True Success Requires Humility

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In our previous Wisdom Note, we learned how wisdom is better than gold. This week we will learn why true success requires humility. If you miss any of our Wisdom Notes, please go to the blog to read past newsletters.

Some people may look at our lives and think, “Wow! They have a lot, and they get to travel and do a lot of neat and exciting things.” While this season of life is busy for us, as I look back, every season of our life has been very busy. While we have had some success and do have some opportunities that others may not have, we also put in a lot of work, energy, time, and sacrifice in order for it to happen. As I grow older and hopefully wiser, it is much more important to move from success to significance and from income to impact.

We still struggle with life as much as anyone does, and the grass always appears greener on the other side – none of us are exempt from those thoughts. Through the seasons of life, though, I have come to discover that actually, the grass is greener when it is watered. So, water your grass where you are today, and who knows. Maybe your lawn will grow to be larger as a result. If that is the case, then an exhortation that I would like to extend is, “Don’t let success go to your head. Always remain humble, and be kind to others.”

On our trek for this week, let us explore the trail of…

True Success Requires Humility

The stories are all too common. After years of hard work pursuing their life dreams, these self-motivated, high achievers reach the pinnacle of success that they feel is so richly deserved. But, what comes next? You guessed it. They let success go to their heads. Whatever happened to being humble?

Unfortunately many people that reach a level of what the world considers success start to think they’re special. They buy expensive “toys” to show how successful they’ve become, and they push aside colleagues who’ve helped them achieve success. They abandon the values and principles that have made them successful. Worse yet, because they’re successful in one area of their life, which is usually thought of as financial success, they come to think they’re experts in everything.

The sad fact is that many who have obtained financial success have done so at the expense of their families, friends, integrity, and health. I struggle with considering this success because the most important aspects of life are something that no amount of money or resources can purchase. I am not opposed to anyone obtaining financial success because the impact that you can have on your world grows exponentially when you have additional resources. An interesting aspect, though, is that if you are unwilling to help others when you have limited resources, it usually does not change when you have more.

If you are unwilling to help others when you have limited resources usually does not change when you have more.

The simple truth is that not everyone treats success the same. Some people who achieve success remain humble, never forgetting who they are nor from where they came. The others? Well, we can learn from their mistakes. Unless you were born into wealth, you probably came from humble beginnings, so here are a few tips to assist on your journey to success in any aspect of life.

Success is temporary.

Success is a journey, not a destination. When you become successful, don’t rest on your laurels. As soon as you take your eye off the ball, you risk losing your edge.

Stop feeding your ego.

Don’t isolate yourself from reality by building relationships with people who stroke your ego. Surrounding yourself with “yes people” is just like talking to yourself.

Compete against yourself.

When you compete against others, it’s easy to emphasize winning over self-improvement. However, when you compete against yourself, you both win.

Even experts have room to learn.

Never stop learning and growing. Know your limitations and admit when you don’t know something. It’ll help to keep you grounded.

Listen up.

Discover what others have to offer and ask for their opinions before opening your mouth. It shows that you value their opinions as well as their insight.

No one’s perfect.

Don’t let success go to your head. Be quick to apologize for your mistakes. You’ll never learn anything or impress anyone by making excuses and diverting blame. And a little humility will remind you that you’re human.

Share your success.

You may be successful, but there’s a good chance others helped you along the way. Find creative ways to share the credit and pull people up the ladder of success along with you.

Remember your roots.

Remember where you came from and what you’ve learned along the way. Help others by mentoring them.
Get off your high horse. Treat everyone with dignity and respect. You may be successful, but that doesn’t make you better than anyone else.

Bragging is ugly.

There’s a difference between excitement and bragging. We know you’re thrilled about your new “toy,” but others may be cutting back on even their basic needs — be sensitive. As John Wooden said, “Talent is God-given. Be humble. Fame is man-given. Be grateful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful.”

Trust me.

Money and success can’t buy a person’s trust or guarantee a good reputation. You earn these through your words AND actions. There’s nothing more valuable in life than integrity. Trust me.

Many of us come from humble beginnings. I grew up in a family of 12 in an old farmhouse on an apple orchard. We were poor, but I didn’t realize it because our lives were full of love and hard work. I would not wish it any other way.

You can make something of yourself through the pursuit of knowledge, integrity, hard work, wisdom, following the principles of planting and harvesting, and by God’s grace. Yes, you can be thankful for the success that they’ve earned. But realize that ultimately it is by God’s grace, and that doesn’t give anyone the right to be rude or disrespectful to others.

The unfortunate reality is that some people get a big thrill from boasting about their accomplishments or showing off their possessions. They’ve convinced themselves that they’re better than others are. The fact is, some people let success go to their heads, and they gain a weird satisfaction from pushing people around. That’s wrong and should be avoided. On the other hand, just as it’s disgusting for the “haves” to look down on others, it’s equally disdainful for “have-nots” to resent those who’ve worked hard and have rightfully earned their success. For many humble people have become successful through much sacrifice, heartache, and struggle. You never know what others have had to go through in their pursuit of success, so be careful not to judge.

The truth is, all the money in the world doesn’t make you a better person. It simply means that you have more money. Real wealth is achieved by appreciating what you already have in life. After all, money can’t buy everything. It can’t buy a close-knit family, good friends, a clear conscience, work-life balance, a happy home, a second chance in life, or future success, among other things.

So, don’t let success go to your head. Be humble. Humility is a sign of strength, not weakness. People with humility possess inner peace. They’re modest about their achievements, grounded in their values, and they have nothing to prove to others. They’re down to earth, comfortable in their own skin, and quietly proud. Humble people shift their focus from taking to giving, from talking about themselves to listening to others, from hoarding the credit to deflecting the praise, and from being a “know-it-all” to knowing there’s so much more in life worth learning. There’s no ego, no pretense, and certainly no gamesmanship. Humble people are authentic. As C.S. Lewis said, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.”

Here are a few verses from Proverbs that teaches us a bit more about humility.

Proverbs 11:2 – Pride leads to disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.

Proverbs 15:33 – Fear of the Lord teaches wisdom; humility precedes honor.

Proverbs 18:12 – Haughtiness goes before destruction; humility precedes honor.

Proverbs 22:4 – True humility and fear of the Lord lead to riches, honor, and long life.

Proverbs 29:23 – Pride ends in humiliation, while humility brings honor.

On our trek we hiked the trail of success and learned that it passes through the valley of humility. We should seek our success in all aspects of life. To do less would be to not fulfill your God-given calling. In doing so, though, remember that it is by God’s grace and “…in him we live and move and exist.” Encourage your friends and family to join us on our 5-days a week podcast: Wisdom-Trek, Creating a Legacy.

3 Ways to Accept Criticism with Grace

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While none of us like to be criticized, sometimes it is needed and helpful, providing we use it to improve ourselves. On our trek today, we discover three ways to accept criticism with grace.

You may be able to relate to this scenario…Heat filled my cheeks as he spoke. His words pressed harder and harder until my heart felt trapped beneath them. What had I done to deserve such criticism? I sat in silent astonishment without a clue how to respond. I just wanted the conversation to be over.

We have all experienced times when a friend, co-worker, or relative offered harsh judgments. But there are also times when the words spoken, though hurtful at first, are exactly what we need to hear. So how do you discern between the two? How do you know if this person is giving constructive feedback or condemning your actions?

Let’s look at a reference from Paul’s letter to the Church in Galatia found in Galatians 2:11-12, “But when Peter came to Antioch, I had to oppose him to his face, for what he did was very wrong. When he first arrived, he ate with the Gentile believers, who were not circumcised. But afterward, when some friends of James came, Peter wouldn’t eat with the Gentiles anymore. He was afraid of criticism from these people who insisted on the necessity of circumcision.”

In Paul’s instruction to the Galatian church, he tells about a time he corrected Peter. Paul noticed Peter acting one way around Jews and another way when he was only with the Gentiles. I can imagine how difficult it was for Paul to address this matter with Peter. After all, Peter was one of the twelve disciples. He was a bold proclaimer of the gospel before Paul became a believer. Yet Paul followed God’s instruction and tackled this difficult topic with Peter.

So how do we handle these situations when they come up? Paul’s story gives us valuable insight into these often uncomfortable moments. The following three tips will help us determine a course of action when someone we know offers opinions we don’t want to hear.

1. Listen up, and listen well.

I was stunned that day by the unexpected turn in the conversation with my friend. For that reason, I missed part of what was said. Certain phrases stood out louder than the rest. You hold on to control… let other people help…more communication. I focused on the negative and blocked out most everything else.

So often we miss the message in its entirety because we don’t hear everything. As the discussion begins, let’s determine to focus our attention. Ask questions. Create an open dialogue and keep the exchange going. Above all, we must resist getting defensive. Like Peter, God uses people of like faith to teach us valuable lessons. But we could miss the opportunity if we don’t listen.

2. Consider the source.

After the exchange, let’s ask ourselves these questions:

  • Is he/she coming to me with concerns for the right reason?
  • Is he/she someone I trust to provide me with wise counsel?

If the answer to these two questions is yes, then we should allow our hearts to be open to the individual’s words.

Paul demonstrated his leadership ability and his devotion to God’s call on his life through years of commitment to ministry. No doubt he was someone Peter could trust. Peter knew Paul, and he knew the Holy Spirit guided Paul’s heart and actions. For this reason, Peter could accept Paul’s concern with confidence.

3. Be receptive and appreciative.

As family members, work associates, or ministry co-laborers we need to understand that we are working toward a common purpose. Especially if they are fellow Christ followers, we must remain united with other believers. Whatever action steps you decide to take or not to take, reassure the person that confronted you. Renew your commitment to the common goal. Let him/her know you appreciate him or her. Gratitude eases tension and builds relationships. We should not let our pride control our thoughts and actions.

There have been times in our marriage when Paula has had to confront me on issues, and let’s face it, confrontation creates discomfort! Although internally I would feel resistance rising, I knew if it was a concern to her, then it would be best for me to listen and check my heart. Usually, it was something I was oblivious to and by making minor changes, as needed, would defuse the situation. Even if I did not think it was justified, I became a better husband through it. Paula risked hurting my feelings to bring about change that would ultimately improve our relationship. She has become a trusted voice and gentle admonisher. After taking these matters to God in prayer, I resolve to work toward bettering myself as a husband and a listener.

We can find wisdom in Paul’s exchange with Peter today. Criticism can hurt if we allow ourselves to be offended, but we can grow in Christ by making the most of it. Paul and Peter worked through many obstacles in ministry, and we can too. Sometimes submitting to God’s plan means daring to listen.

Let us endeavor to accept criticism with grace. In our next Wisdom Note, we will explore another topic to help us become better than we are today. So encourage your friends and family to join us and and listen each day to our podcast.

7 Steps to Become a Person of Influence

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The many life activities in which Paula and I are involved and the clients with whom we work are a result of choices that we have made over the years. An important attribute that I desire for my life is to be a person of influence. I feel certain that almost everyone would like to have a positive influence on the lives of others. In order to do so, you may have to make some changes in your life. Changes require that we make difficult choices at times. The choices that we have made in our lives up to this point determine the situation that we find ourselves in.

So, let me ask a couple of questions…Do you desire to become a person of influence? What changes in your life will be required in order to reach that position? In this note, we will hike the trails of choice and look for the seven signposts that are crucial for becoming a person of influence.

Change Begins with Choice

Any day you wish, you can discipline yourself to change your life. Any day you wish, you can open a book that will open your mind to new knowledge. Any day you wish, you can start a new activity. Any day you wish, you can start the process of life change. You can do it immediately, or next week, or next month, or next year. Zig Ziglar put it this way, “Before you change your thinking, you have to change what goes into your mind.”

You can also do nothing. You can pretend rather than perform. If the idea of having to change yourself makes you uncomfortable, you can remain as you are. You can choose rest over labor, entertainment over education, delusion over truth, and doubt over confidence. The choices are yours to make. But while you may desire change, you must be willing to make the choice to change. As Ecclesiastes 10:2 says, “A wise person chooses the right road; a fool takes the wrong one.”

The current situation of your life is largely based on past choices. You have both the ability and the responsibility to make better choices beginning today. Those who are in search of the good life do not need more answers or more time to think things over to reach better conclusions. They need the truth. They need the whole truth. And they need nothing but the truth.

You cannot allow your errors in judgment, repeated every day, to lead you down the wrong path. You must keep coming back to those basics that make the biggest difference in how your life works out. And then you must make the very choices that will bring about a rich and satisfying life.

And, if I may be so bold to offer a piece of advice for someone seeking and needing to make changes in life…If you don’t like how things are, change them! You’re not a tree. You have the ability to totally transform every area in your life, and it all begins with your very own power of choice.

Once you have made the necessary changes, if needed, then you can become a person of influence.

Be a Person of Influence

If you want to be a person of influence and have a positive impact on the lives of others, the key is to become a person of quality yourself. As a person of influence, you will have the ability to impact others with the gifts, skills, and opportunities you offer. To continually impact others positively is a challenge and requires certain qualities that many people lack.

What’s important in becoming a person of influence is refining your skills. You must keep working on yourself until you become effective. Let’s look at the seven signposts that will help you in becoming a person of influence.

  1. Learn to be strong but not impolite. It is an extra step you must take to become a powerful, capable influencer with a wide range of reach. Some people mistake rudeness for strength. It’s not a good substitute.
  2. Learn to be kind but not weak. You must not mistake weakness for kindness. Kindness isn’t weak. Kindness is a certain type of strength. You must be kind enough to tell someone the truth. You must be kind enough and considerate enough to lay it on the line. You must be kind enough to tell it like it is and not deal in delusion.
  3. Learn to be bold but not a bully. It takes boldness to win the day. To build your influence, you will have to lead others at times. You have to be willing to sacrifice, tackle the problem, and discover the first sign of trouble. Like the farmer, if you want any rewards at harvest time, you have to be bold and face the weeds and the rain and the bugs straight on. You’ve got to seize the moment.
  4. Learn to be humble but not timid. You can’t become an influencer by being too timid. Some people mistake timidity for humility. But humility is a virtue; timidity is a disease. It’s an affliction. It can be cured, but it is a problem. Humility is almost a God-like word—a sense of awe, a sense of wonder, an awareness of the human soul and spirit, an understanding that there is something unique about the human drama versus the rest of life. Humility is a grasp of the distance between us and the stars, yet having the feeling that we’re part of the stars. James 4:10 tells us to, “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor.”
  5. Learn to be proud but not arrogant. It takes pride or confidence in yourself to be a person of influence. It takes pride in your tribe. It takes pride in a cause, in accomplishment. But the key to becoming an effective influencer is to be proud without being arrogant. Do you know the worst kind of arrogance? Arrogance from ignorance. It’s intolerable. If someone is smart and arrogant, we may tolerate that. But if someone is ignorant and arrogant, that’s just too much to take.
  6. Learn to develop humor without folly. When influencing others, you learn that it’s okay to be witty but not silly; fun but not foolish.
  7. Learn to deal in realities. Deal in truth. Save yourself the agony of delusion. Just accept life as it is—the whole drama of life. It’s fascinating.

Life is unique. Positive influence is unique. The skills that work well for one person of influence may not work at all for another. However, the fundamental skills of influence can be adapted to work well for just about everyone – at work, in the community, in church, and at home.

In this Wisdom Note, we hiked the trail of choice and studied the seven signposts to become a person of influence. Making wise but difficult choices in life allows us to positively influence and impact others.