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We May Never Pass This Way Again – Part 3

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In this note, we will continue with our 3rd and final segment focusing on kindness. In our previous note, we explored the first 6 steps on our trail of encouragement, and in today’s Wisdom Note we will finish the remaining 9 steps.

So, let’s continue on our trail today looking for ways that we can show kindness to others. Sometimes the trails of life can be very rough and steep, and we don’t really feel like being kind. I certainly understand that. But, we have to realize that being kind is usually easy, and it benefits both the person that we are being kind to and us as we are kind. Never pass up this opportunity.

We will finish with steps 7-15 providing examples of random acts of kindness. Kindness is an essential part of creating a living legacy. As we practice kindness, even when we may not feel like it, we become kind people. It cannot be prevented.

Being kind is a choice that we make. Look for opportunities at all times to be kind. As you practice these acts of kindness with no expectations of return, you will be showing from within that you are kind.

Here are the last 7 steps on our trail for encouraging others with our random acts of kindness.

Step #7:

Volunteer by offering helping hands. Do you ever see homeless people and feel overwhelmed by your inability to make a difference? Even if you can’t help them all or change their long-term situation in life, you can do a lot with one small act. Buy a pair of gloves, provide a spare blanket, or make up food parcels for someone who is living on the cold streets, or provide them to any organization that serves the homeless.

Another way to volunteer is to clean up trash in public places without being asked. The next time you see someone littering,don’t just shake your head and look the other way. Be kind, pick up the litter, and throw it away. While you’re at it, look around the street for any other trash that needs to be removed. If you take a walk, take a plastic grocery bag so you can collect the trash that would otherwise just make you unhappy, and know that you’re doing a random act of kindness for the people who will come through after you!

Step #8:

Shower a coworker with kindness. Offer to take them out to lunch or provide them with money for a dinner they can take home with them after work. Finish off some of their work for them so they can go home early for their kid’s birthday party or after school activity.

If your coworker has had a horrible day, buy him or her some flowers or give him or her a warm hug (if appropriate) to make him or her feel better. Everyone needs just a little extra compassion and love sometimes. If you like to cook or bake, take freshly baked muffins or cookies in to work and share them with your coworkers, staff, and others.

Step #9:

Share a little wealth around. Why not surprise a complete stranger by paying for something they were expecting to pay for? Here are some fun suggestions:

  • Pay for the coffee and cake for the table next to yours at the local cafe.
  • Pay for the movie tickets of the people in the line behind you.
  • Pay for the entrance fee for some children and their parents waiting to get into the zoo.
  • Pay for the parking for the car next to yours. Feed the meter if it’s allowed to stop someone from getting a ticket!

Step #10:

Give your family a break. There are lots of kind things you can do for your loved ones. This can include something as simple as giving them a break from the more mundane chores around the house so that they can do something different for a change.

  • Make them breakfast in bed.
  • Wash their car(s).
  • Do the weeding while a family member is at work.
  • Do the dishes for a week without complaining!
  • Print out a photo of them and write exactly why it’s so special to you or why they’re so special to you. Tell them how that moment shows how important they are to the whole world.

Step #11:

Hold a friends night-in. Have your friends or church group in just for fun. Order pizza for everyone and play board games or watch movies together. Treat them to a special cake at the end in honor of the friendships that each of you share together.

Step #12:

Send a message. Write down your favorite inspirational quote, wise saying, or scripture, and leave it somewhere for a stranger to find. You could also leave a message in a favorite book you’ve enjoyed, letting someone else know they can have the book to read and hope that they love it as much as you did. Then, leave the book somewhere for them to find.

Step #13:

Forgive somebody. You’d be amazed at the ripple effect an ounce of forgiveness can have in your life and in the lives of others. Unburden yourself of the past and think kind thoughts again about a person who hurt you. Reach out to them with kindness, even if you feel that you were wronged. Life is too short to carry grudges and burdens.

Step #14:

Share a smile. When meeting a new person or even chatting with an old one, express joy. Show that you’re happy to be with them, and that they make you happy.

On the flip side, if you meet someone grumpy and frowning, give them your smile. Ask them if they’re having a hard day, commiserate with them, and wish them better luck from this point on. Don’t see it as their bad mood reflecting negatively on you; instead, make it about how you can help them to feel better.

Step #15:

Expect nothing. The greatest act of kindness is the one that is freely given because you care about another person and want them to be happy and don’t expect anything in return. The thing about kindness is that it has its own rewards and will improve your sense of well-being and happiness. What more could you possibly want?

“Kindness has its own rewards.”

Kindness is the ultimate manifestation of love as the Apostle Paul’s 1st letter to the church in Corinth wrote in Chapter 13 verses 4 and 5, “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.”

As we conclude these 15 steps to show random acts of kindness, I want to remind you to make each day count for we shall not pass this way again.

We May Never Pass This Way Again – Part 2

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In our previous note, we explored how important our words can be when we speak to others. They have the power of life or death. So, let’s start out on our trail today looking for ways that we can show kindness to others.

Kindness is such an important attribute that we should have in our lives. Being kind to others is a powerful way to put our words into action and is one of the fruits, or outward manifestations, of a loving heart toward others.

Kindness should be planned, when possible, but performing random and unplanned acts of kindness to others each day should also be part of who we are as people. At first, completing random acts of kindness may not be natural for you, but the more times you do it, the easier it will become until it becomes a habit in your life.

So, as we hike on up our next two trails, we will explore 15 steps that we can take on our trek of life to set these habits in place. Think about how kindness can be a fundamental part of creating a living legacy. Indeed it needs to be woven into the very fabric of our lives, so it is part of who we are.

Being kind is always a choice that we make. Look for opportunities at all times to be kind. This is so important that Proverbs 3:3-4 puts it this way, “Never let loyalty and kindness leave you! Tie them around your neck as a reminder. Write them deep within your heart. Then you will find favor with both God and people, and you will earn a good reputation.”

Random acts of kindness are a means by which we make a deliberate attempt to brighten another person’s day by doing something thoughtful, nice, and caring. Kindness is a way of showing others that they are special and important. Even when the world is unkind, we need to be known for our kindness to all. Our kindness should not be dependent on if a person deserves it, but rather our desire to be kind.

Here are the first 6 steps on our trail for encouraging others with our random acts of kindness.

Step #1:

Be kind. Kindness as an attitude is infectious. When you’re willing to share your kindness, others will be inspired by your example and think about doing something kind themselves. Fan that flame by being kind to everyone.

Step #2:

Be thoughtful. Random acts of kindness can be shown through thoughtfulness about the needs of others. How many times do you wish someone could have been more thoughtful before they did or said something? Try to be an example of this for others to follow.

Put someone else first. If you get to the grocery store check-out line at the same time as someone else, smile and wave them through first. When you’re stuck in traffic and the last thing you want to do is let a car get in front of you, just remember that somebody else had to let you in and repay the favor to the next person!

Step #3:

Use your manners as a form of kindness. Manners aren’t dead. They’ve just been forgotten in many ways. Yet, manners are the bedrock of courteous and kind relations and their use is an indication of respect for others. Hold doors open for others, hold an umbrella over someone in the rain, and be on time for everyone you’ve promised to meet. Say thank you, and whenever anyone does something for you, be grateful and let them know it.

Step #4:

Give out compliments generously. There’s usually an awkward silence when you’re stuck in an elevator or waiting in a queue with a stranger. Instead of staring at the floor, find something you like about the other person and compliment him/her on it. Not only will it make him/her feel good, it just might kick off a conversation with a new friend.

Surprise your neighbor by telling him or her how sharp he/she looks today. Tell your boss how truly clever he/she is and mean it! Tell your assistant how truly clever he/she is and mean it. Praise any subordinate who’s stayed late or done anything extra on the job honestly. Notice those things. Praise your child for her/his skills and good thinking. Make it something out of the blue that you’ve noticed rather than run-of-the-mill schoolwork or chores. Write a handwritten note to a friend or family member telling them how much you care about them.

Step #5:

Think about people who quietly make a difference in your community and thank them. Think of all the people in your life whose faces and names you’ll never know but who serve and protect you day after day.

Send some prepackaged treats to your local police station, paramedics, or fire department, with a card letting them know how much you appreciate their service to the community. But make sure to also acknowledge the people we take more for granted that make things “tick.” Consider thanking your garbage man or janitor.
Send your child’s clean and good condition toys and books to a local preschool. Say thank you to the early childhood caretakers and teachers who do so much for young children.

Pop over to your neighbor’s house with a freshly baked cake. Yes, your neighbors are an important part of your community, and they make a difference just by being about. Acknowledge their importance and role in your life.

Step #6:

Cheer up the lonely. Lonely people are everywhere, in all walks of life, of all ages. Helping lonely people feel wanted is a hugely rewarding random act of kindness.

Write a letter or send a card to a stranger. It only takes a few minutes to write, but a letter or card can make someone else’s day or even their week. Think of all the people who are lonely, isolated, or just in need of cheering up – soldiers fighting overseas, kids in juvenile detention centers, or elderly people in nursing homes. Do a simple search online, and you’ll find services that will provide you with lists of people who’d love to hear from you.

Pay for someone else’s coffee in the line. If they’ve got time, offer them a chat.
Visit a retirement home and spend time talking to the residents. You could offer to read to them, sing for them, or even get them involved in writing poems, reading stories, or playing a game.

Being kind also implies that we will get rid of the unkind attributes in our lives, as mentioned in the letter that Paul wrote to the church in Ephesus in Chapter 4 verses 31-32, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”

Make each day count for we shall not pass this way again.

We May Never Pass This Way Again – Part 1

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In this note and the next couple, let us reflect on our life regardless of our individual circumstances. Let us realize we have so much to be thankful for. In light of eternity, our lives are short, even if we are fortunate enough to live to be well over 100.

Regardless of whether our lives are short or long, the impact that we have on others each day will impact generations to come and impact all of eternity. None of us have the promise of tomorrow so we need to make each day count. I struggle with this as much as anyone – maybe more than most. There are always deadlines to meet, bills to pay, and people to deal with, but let us not confuse the urgent with the important. They are rarely the same.

Although I don’t get outdoors nearly as much as I would like, the analogy of life being a trek is so important and fitting. We slowly go through life one day at a time. I enjoy walking and hiking and hope to soon to get back to running. I enjoy long hikes in the hills and mountains, but they can be very challenging. The difficulties of these trails are a stark reminder that on some days life is an uphill climb and can be very painful for the moment, but if we keep at it, we will reach our destination…eventually. Sometimes it takes being infused with a little more courage to make it through.

As we think about infusing courage into our lives and the lives of others, as I mentioned in last week’s Wisdom Notes, it is similar to what happens when a person receives a blood transfusion. The person receives a life-altering experience that will help them to be fully alive. What we say to others and how we treat others each day is either infusing them with life or death. This applies both to how and what we speak to ourselves and how we treat ourselves.

Are you living daily or dying daily? Each day is a new day. We will never again have a chance at today with its unique situations or circumstances. Although some seasons of life feel like we are on the proverbial treadmill or are reliving the same day over and over, like in the movie Groundhog Day, that is not the case. We only have one chance to get today correct. As was written by William Penn, “I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good therefore that I can do, or any kindness that I can show to any fellow creature, let me do it now. Let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.”

Our words alone can have a significant impact on the lives of others either for good or for evil. The old rhyme “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” is just not true. As we looked at last week, words have the power of life and death.

All of us have a problem when it comes to controlling our tongues. We suffer from “diarrhea of the mouth” and “foot in mouth” diseases. James, the half-brother of Jesus, wrote in his letter Chapter 3 verse 2, “Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way.” Suffice it to say, controlling how we speak to others is a problem for all of us. We will look at this entire passage in James 3 on another day, as it gives a clear description about controlling our tongue.

When I was in my early teen years, my nose outgrew my small and slight frame significantly as I was going through puberty. My family called me, “The Nose” or “Noses,” which was a play on the Bible character Moses. Thankfully, I eventually grew into my nose, for the most part, but for my size, it is still a bit on the large size. Fortunately, I realize as an adult, that physical features are not what makes a person significant. Even now though, I’m a little self-conscious about it.

I know that this example is trivial compared to what most have to deal with when trying to navigate the harsh words of others. The point is to understand and show you how powerful and lasting our words can be. A careless word can shape — or misshape — someone’s reality for years to come.

We need to take to heart and put into practice the advice that Paul wrote in his letter to the church in Ephesus Chapter 4 verse 29, “Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.”

This verse provides three keys to appropriate speaking:

  1. Never use foul or abusive language.Language is so rich and full that we should never need to use words that are foul or abusive when communicating with others. Foul or abusive language is negative, or positive, and we should always avoid it.
  2. Everything that we say should be good and helpful. Every word that we speak to others should be good and also helpful to that person. Even if it is words of correction or discipline, the objective is to help the person that is being spoken to.
  3. All words should infuse courage into others (encourage).Every word should be to encourage the person being spoken to. Even if we have to help others dealing with negative habits or uncomfortable confrontations, it should be handled in such a manner that our words infuse the other person with the courage to make the changes needed.

King Solomon said in Proverbs 18:21, “The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” Every day, we are shaping reality for someone by the words that we use with them. The choice is ours. How will our words impact others?

Be an Encourager

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While I do see the value of setting goals and striving to achieve them, most goals and resolutions that people make are not met because their “WHY” is not important enough. One resolution that we can all make and keep is to make it a habit to daily encourage other people.

I often pause to reflect on the word “encourage” or “encouragement.” What does it really mean to be able to encourage another person or have someone encourage us?

Certainly, on our life’s trek, there are plenty of obstacles and rough terrain that we encounter each day where it is easy to get discouraged. That is how life rolls some days or even for some extended seasons.

While I am generally a positive person and do not become easily discouraged for long periods of time, we are all susceptible to experiencing times where we do not feel, nor do we really desire to be, positive. I think that we can all relate to this.

One of the most common complaints we hear from many people today, especially in the workplace, but too many times also in our homes and places of worship, is that they never receive any feedback, except negative feedback. All of us like to be encouraged, but I tend not to need a constant dose of it myself. So, I was not always as free to give it as I should have been.

I know early on in my life as an entrepreneur and business owner, I made the same mistake with my team members. Paula had to remind me several times that encouragement does not come through sarcasm. Unfortunately, at times, this also carried over into my interaction with our kids. I did learn through the years to replace sarcasm with encouragement, but it took a while to make that transition. The good news is that any of us can learn to cultivate the ministry of encouragement in our lives.

But first, we need to understand what it really means to encourage another person and even ourselves.

What is Encouragement?

The word is a compound of the prefix “en,” which literally means to put into or infuse into someone. Think of a blood transfusion during which you are infusing donated blood from one individual into another person who is lacking blood. The second part of the word is “courage,” which means the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, without fear.

So, as we combine these two words, when we encourage someone it is to infuse them with courage that we have so that another person will have peace of mind to face difficulties, danger, and pain without fear.

Just as donating blood to someone else is both permanent and lifesaving, so when we encourage another person we are taking some of our courage and permanently infusing it into another person to help them to live life more fully. If we stick with the analogy of donating blood, encouragement does not have to be reserved for someone we know. Complete strangers may also benefit when we infuse them with courage that we have in abundance.

On the opposite side of this coin, let’s look at what it would mean to discourage someone. The prefix “dis” negates or reverses the word it is attached to. “Dissatisfied” means “not satisfied.” So, to “discourage” a person is to take courage away from that person. In our blood transfusion analogy, to discourage another person is the same as sucking the blood right out of a person, which could literally endanger their life. This certainly should give us pause on how we speak and treat others.

An encouraging person is pleasant to be around because he builds you up and strengthens you by his example, words, actions, and attitudes. A discouraging person weakens, deprives of hope, and tears down rather than strengthening and building up.

As a Christ follower, I find in the Scriptures a continual reminder to encourage, or infuse with courage, one another at all times. Even God’s Spirit whom He sent to dwell in us when Christ ascended into heaven was referred to in John 14 by the Greek word “Paraclete,” which is someone called alongside another to counsel, encourage, help, and bring comfort.

Encouragement also has the reference to urge or exhort. If a person has fear and needs courage, you may need to urge or exhort them to gain the courage needed for the task at hand. Encourage is not necessarily a “feel good word” to encourage someone, but to give them the courage to do what is right, just, and fair in all situations.

A person needing help may not require comfort so much as a challenge. The word is used to exhort troops to go into battle. It not only empathizes; it also motivates or inspires. It not only gives comfort; it also gives courage. It impels hesitant soldiers into battle and fearful sailors into the storm.

In the Apostle Paul’s letter to the church in Thessalonica Chapter 5 verses, 11 through 16, a good overview of encouragement is revealed, “So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing. Dear brothers and sisters, honor those who are your leaders in the Lord’s work. They work hard among you and give you spiritual guidance. Show them great respect and wholehearted love because of their work. And live peacefully with each other. Brothers and sisters, we urge you to warn those who are lazy. Encourage those who are timid. Take tender care of those who are weak. Be patient with everyone. See that no one pays back evil for evil, but always try to do good to each other and to all people. Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.”

The Scriptures are filled with words of encouragement and exhortation to encourage others. In the future, we will take some more days on our trek to look at the important subject of encouragement.

I will leave you with this question in this week’s Wisdom Note: “Do you practice encouragement in in your own life to bring courage within yourself and then donate some of that courage in the lives of others that you impact?”

Life Is Not a Spectator Sport

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As 2017 comes to an end this week, and we look forward to the New Year it is a time to reflect on how the year went and what changes need to be made. Some outcomes this year we had direct control over, other situations we had no control at all. As with all of life, we can choose to sit passively by and allow life to happen to us, or we can be actively engaged and shape the life that we desire. Either way, life will continue, and we cannot afford to be just a spectator.

While our life seems to be full most days, I have to admit there are some days when I wish it were a bit slower. I can’t help but feel like a slower pace would allow me to check out and not have to deal with what appears to be competing demands. I remind myself, though, that most of these activities are of my own choosing, and that if I had to do it all over again, I would probably make the same choices.

But, that does not stop the desire to step back and become a spectator in life instead of being so actively involved. However, I know “life is not a spectator sport” and to fulfill my destiny in life I must be actively involved. This applies to you and those around you as well. For some people, this will be on a large, grand scale impacting thousands, but for others, it will be on a small intimate scale, impacting a few. Both are equally important.

Although I am very much an optimist, I am also very much a realist. I understand fully that it’s not always easy to get through this thing we call life. If we allow it, day after day we are bombarded with constant negative images. We are told we are too fat, too lazy, too dumb, too old, too ugly, too far behind the rest of the world, and so on. And sadly, there are people in this world who derive pleasure from keeping others down.

For those who allow it, the world can be a scary, cold, and unwelcoming place. The world can be a place where we are afraid to take on challenges, try new things, express who we really are, or act like ourselves. As a result, it is important, imperative even, that each of us takes an active role in determining how our life is going to play out, and specifically, what role we are going to play in it – a starring role, a supporting role, or that of a spectator. The first two are equally admirable; however, the third role is one that requires us to have a change of mindset.

Growing up, one of the highlights of our weeks that were otherwise filled with work and school was our Sunday nights when we would all sit around the TV, eat popcorn, and watch The Wonderful World of Disney. We rarely missed it.

That memory got me thinking of another Disney story – The Hunchback of Notre Dame and its main character Quasimodo. We learn that he views life from the cathedral bell tower high above the village square too afraid to be a participant in the festivities and everyday happenings going on below and all around him.

His conscious decision to be a “spectator,” due to his various insecurities (most resulting from the abusive behavior of the reprehensible Judge Frollo) and a major deformity. That decision means he is missing out on even the most trivial joys that may be found “out there.”

That is until Laverne, one of “Quasi’s” trusted gargoyle confidantes, gives him a boot in the pants by imparting these words of wisdom, “Take it from an old spectator, life’s not a spectator sport. If watchin’ is all you’re gonna do, then you’re gonna watch life go by without ya!” And with this simple message, Quasimodo begins to realize that it is his choice whether to be a participant or “spectator” to take an active role in his life or a passive one, to give someone else power over him or not, is all up to him. It is his choice!

Just like in the case of Quasimodo, how our lives turn out and how much we participate, simply put, is our choice!

If you aren’t growing, you are dying. This isn’t philosophy. It is logic, really. The only time we cease to grow is upon death. Till then, in some measure, we grow.

Reading the logic, conversely, it simply says that if we have ceased to proactively grow, we have begun to proactively die or at least kill a part of us.

So therein lies an answer to life. Making an impact on others by pouring our lives into them is the only way to lasting satisfaction in life. Satisfaction, joy, and peace come when you are making positive progress in your own life and enhancing the lives of others.

Stagnation occurs when you are waiting for things to change without being a force for change. If you are of this mindset, you will assume a victim mindset – one that is full of blame, pity, and excuses. You will end up wallowing in the pigsty of self-doubt and misery.

The famous baseball player Jackie Robinson said it this way, “Life is not a spectator sport. If you’re going to spend your whole life in the grandstand just watching what goes on, in my opinion, you’re wasting your life.”

Like it or not, life is in progress. It’s not waiting. You may be a spectator. That doesn’t mean that the game isn’t on. It simply means that you are so scared to lose, you rather just watch.

There are no guarantees in life, no sure trail that we will be on. None of us can know for sure that we will wake up for tomorrow’s trek. Everything else except for the present moment is uncertain. Wouldn’t it be wiser to live fully, to make a difference today?

Don’t wait for conditions to be right to start helping others. Don’t blame others for your life situation. Don’t pity yourself that you are not actively participating. We have limited moments in this lifetime, and they are quickly passing by.

Don’t be a spectator, watching the lives of others advance. Regardless of your physical or financial situation, you can actively participate in life and in the lives of others. Wouldn’t it be wiser to live fully and to make a difference today?

If you are a Christ follower, as I am, don’t hide behind your faith as an excuse for not participating in the lives of others. Show your faith by actively participating in life. Follow the instructions found in the letter James wrote to the believers in Chapter 2 verses 14 through 17, “What good is it, dear brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but don’t show it by your actions? Can that kind of faith save anyone? Suppose you see a brother or sister who has no food or clothing, and you say, ‘Good-bye and have a good day; stay warm and eat well’—but then you don’t give that person any food or clothing. What good does that do? So you see, faith by itself isn’t enough. Unless it produces good deeds, it is dead and useless.”

In 2018 commit yourself to live a life that is full and abundant. Actively participate in life each day. Don’t be a spectator, be a participant. It’s a wonderful life.