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Learning to Form Habits

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The Habit of Forming Habits (1)

I actually work better with a set schedule based on the routines and habits that I have established over the years. I enjoy rising early and having my exercise and devotional/meditation time before breakfast because it sets the tone for the entire day of productivity. Habits are part of everyone’s life. We just need to make sure that they are positive and productive habits.

“Habits are part of everyone’s life – live well!”

In our Wisdom Notes for this week and next, we will explore the habit of habit formation. This may be very difficult for some because habit formation takes time and perseverance. Fortunately, there are some clear principles to form and maintain habits. There is a comprehensive path for setting habits in our lives, and if followed, we can form good habits, as we get rid of those that are bad.

A few years ago I had the opportunity to attend a trial where the defendant had shackles on his ankles and wrist, and it was very evident that it was difficult, very slow, and painful for him to walk. In the same way, if we have shackles of bad habits impacting our lives, it will hold us back, and we will never be able to fulfill our God-given potential until we are freed from these bad habits.

It is very important to realize that if we desire to rid ourselves of bad habits in any area of our lives that we must at the same time form new, positive habits, or we will just fall back into the same routine and never be free of the shackles that restrict us. Remember that one key law of life is that when we say “no” to one choice, we are automatically saying “yes” to another.  This applies to habits also.

“When we say ‘no’ to one choice, we are automatically saying ‘yes’ to another.”

This reminds me of the story that Jesus told when the religious leaders of his day accused him of casting out demons by the power of Satan. As I read this passage from Luke 11:24-26, where Jesus speaks of evicting demons from people, let’s use the comparison of the demons being bad habits in our lives. Many times we do refer to our bad habits as our demons. Consider the passage:

“When an evil spirit leaves a person, it goes into the desert, searching for rest. But when it finds none, it says, ‘I will return to the person I came from.’ So it returns and finds that its former home is all swept and in order. Then the spirit finds seven other spirits more evil than itself, and they all enter the person and live there. And so that person is worse off than before.”

The same principles apply to our habits as to the literal demons that Jesus cast out during His early ministry.

The remainder of this week and next we will explore some research from habit creation specialist Leo Barbauta as we investigate of “The Four Habits that Form Habits“.

One of the biggest obstructions that we encounter on our quest to good habit formation is that we visualize what the destination should be and we become overwhelmed to the point of paralysis, so we don’t make the changes needed.

When we do get motivated to change, at first we think that we can take large steps and make great strides. The trail is rather smooth and flat, and we want to rush ahead. That is until we reach the steep slope and we have already expended our energy. Then we have nothing else to give when it becomes difficult, so we stop and the old habits come rushing back into our lives.

As we explore the fundamentals of habits, we will cover four key guidelines to form habits. If you can learn these four habits, you’ll have the foundation to form pretty much any habit.

Habit Guideline #1: Start Exceedingly Small

Let us look at a couple of practical examples.

Let’s say you want to work out more, but you have a hard time forming the habit. Most people have this issue. From having to get dressed in order to go to the gym to actually go to the gym to the thought of a hard workout, your minds tend to put off the habit.

The solution is exceedingly simple. The first day just do 3 pushups in the privacy of your home or walk/jog for just one minute. Make it so easy you can’t say no. You may think, “Now, Guthrie, that is just plain ridiculous. Anyone can walk for a minute or do three pushups.” You will think that’s too easy, and tell yourself that you have to do more than that.

“When you begin to form a habit, make it so easy you can’t say no!”

Unfortunately, it’s this mindset that causes people to fail at habits. We think we can do more, despite past evidence to the contrary, and so we aspire to greatness. We try to climb Everest before we’ve learned to walk.

Learn the fundamentals of habits before you try to do the advanced skills. If I could convince people of that, I could get millions to change their habits, be healthier, simplify, procrastinate less, and start creating amazing things.

Another common habit that too few people actually do is flossing their teeth daily. So, my advice is just flossing one tooth the first night. Of course, that seems so ridiculous you may laugh. But I’m totally serious. If you start out exceedingly small, you won’t say no. You’ll feel crazy if you don’t do it. So, you’ll actually do it!  That’s the point.

“Actually doing the habit is much more important than how much you do.”

If you want to exercise, it’s more important that you actually do the exercise on a regular basis rather than doing enough to get a benefit right away. Sure, maybe you need 30 minutes of exercise to see some fitness improvements, but try doing 30 minutes a day for two weeks without missing. See how far you get, if you haven’t been exercising regularly. Then, if you don’t succeed, try 1-2 minutes a day. See how far you get there.

If you can do two weeks of 1-2 minutes of exercise, you have a strong foundation for a habit. Add another week or two, and the habit is almost ingrained. Once the habit is strong, you can gradually add a few minutes each week. Soon you’ll be doing 30 minutes on a regular basis even though you started out really small.

I regularly exercise for at least an hour every morning, including a HIIT training, pull-ups, push-ups and crunches…but I did not start with an hour of intense running, I worked up to it gradually.  I also gradually added getting up a few minutes earlier to compensate for the extra time needed to run and exercise.  One important factor in ensuring success is to prepare ahead of time.  For instance, I lay out all of my exercise clothes the night before, so that I am ready to get dressed in them in the morning.

Want to start a good habit?  Try the flossing habit. Try to floss every tooth every night, and see how far you get. You might succeed, but if you fail, try just one tooth per night and see how far you get. Your extent will vary, but on average most people get farther with a habit when they start small.

One glass of water a day. One extra vegetable. Three pushups. One sentence of writing a day. Two minutes of meditation. This is how you start a habit that lasts. Start small and gradually build from there.

Remember that life is a marathon, not a sprint.

As we implement the “Four Habits that Form Habits” in our lives, we are learning that habit formation is not that difficult, but how we approach it makes it difficult.

Next in our Wisdom Notes we will explore the remaining three habits of the habit of forming habits.

Habits are part of everyone’s life, good habits are not.

Overcoming Obstacles in Life

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Hiking with a Limp: Part 2

In our last Wisdom Note, we looked at the story of Jacob when he wrestled with God and his name was changed to Israel. Although God’s original call to start a new nation was to Jacob’s grandfather Abraham, with Jacob, who is now Israel, the new nation started to take shape. This wrestling match left Jacob with a limp that he would be inflicted with the remainder of his life as a reminder of being set apart to prepare for and build this new nation.

As we head out to explore new trails, we realize that it will be very difficult to take this strenuous hike with a permanent limp or other disability, so we will have to be prepared for the journey. Preparation can come in many forms, but for our trek, let us take our rehabilitation instructions from Hebrews 12:1-3 & 12-13.

Prepare for your journey each day.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people; then you won’t become weary and give up.”

“So take a new grip with your tired hands and strengthen your weak knees. Mark out a straight path for your feet so that those who are weak and lame will not fall but become strong.”

In this passage, we see that in order to learn and adapt to our limps in life, we need training and discipline. This does not mean that we will completely recover from our limps or be without pain, but it does mean that we will learn to live with both and still live the rich and satisfying life that Jesus promised us.

So, let’s hike on our new trails for today.

Trail #2 – Are you prepared?

Our culture does little to prepare and equip us for hard things. We live in a culture designed to maximize our comfort and pleasure, celebrate these vanities, and distract us from what is real and lasting. If we take a look at what we’re sold by the media, we should expect life to be as easy as possible – filled with things that entertain and delight us and that ensure we live hassle-free lives.

From this perspective, pain is something to be avoided or ignored as much as possible. In reality, however, this is not how people actually live. We may be cushioned from the impact of suffering and pain for long periods in our lives but inevitably we are forced to come face-to-face with the harsh and often crushing realities of real and unavoidable heartbreak. God may not allow us to become too comfortable. He knows that many of us will turn from Him if we become too comfortable, which isn’t good for us. Martin Luther, the 16th-century Protestant reformer, encourages us that going through “trials and temptations can be a blessing when they undermine our pride and our reliance upon ourselves and teach us to put our trust in God’s mercy and goodness.”

So, where do we go to learn how to wrestle with life’s challenges well? How do we equip ourselves to face and deal with life’s pain and suffering in a way that enables us to retain our sense of dignity and our faith in God where eventually we can emerge from the valley of the shadow of death in good shape? How do we prepare ourselves to be able to do this when our hearts, minds, spirits, and bodies are crushed under the weight of pain and suffering that can sweep into our lives without warning? We look for a place of hope and truth ahead of time.

Trail #3 – Build well.

We need a preemptive strategy. When you visit ancient towns and cities, particularly in Europe or the Middle East, you often see large fortified city walls protectively surrounding the area. These were an essential piece of fortification and safety for these cities and their people during times when they were under siege.

What we often fail to consider is that these walls were built during times of peace, when life was good. We need to build well when life is good. This is the time to invest in our key relationships – with God and others.

“We need to build well when life is good.”

This is the time to dig deeply into prayer, worship, and scripture. It’s here that we find examples, from Jesus and his disciples and others in scripture, of suffering and wrestling in ways that bring hope and life and are firmly anchored in the goodness of God. When life is good, that’s the time to cultivate life-giving habits that will help sustain us when we are stretched. We must anchor ourselves in truly believing that God is good and that He loves us.

Then, when we are in the thick of things and life is just plain tough, there are a few things that can help us.

Trail #4 – Remember it’s only for a season.

God knows we need constant reminders of His goodness and involvement in our lives, so He has given us many in scripture and in the way He has orchestrated the rhythms of nature and history.

I have found Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 incredibly encouraging in which we’re told all things in this life have a season. They don’t last forever. There is “A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance,” (v4).

Nature reminds us of this truth also. We would not experience the bursting of life in spring without the seemingly lifeless winter season. No matter how long a season of suffering can feel, or indeed is, the season will pass.

So far we have explored the trails of perspective, planning, building, and seasons.

Learning When to Speak

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And Knowing When to Shut Up

Last week in our Wisdom Notes we began to explore why it is important to learn that instead of speaking we learn to keep our mouth closed whenever possible. Each time we speak, it is a conscious choice to do so.

Last week and this week on our Trek, as we are focusing on 10 lessons that will at least help to minimize the potential negative impact that our tongues may have. Unless you are a ventriloquist it all boils down to the fact that we need to think before opening our mouths to speak. We will continue on to lesson #3 today, and for each of these lessons we need to know to say “keep your mouth shut when…”

Lesson #3 – You want to gossip.

When you want to say something negative about someone behind their back, don’t. Just don’t. There is almost never a good reason to do this. It makes you look petty, childish and mean-spirited. It might get back to the person you’re slandering. Never gossip, and if someone does something truly terrible, that will significantly harm someone or an organization, you might need to discuss it. If you are in an appropriate position, discuss it with that person privately first. If it is unresolved then discuss it with an appropriate person to decide what course of action to take.

Lesson #4 – The details of a plan or deal are not complete.

Look to that old adage “Never count your chickens before they’re hatched,” or “A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.” If you’re making plans for some big activity, or making a deal of some kind, never announce it until the crucial details are worked out, or the paperwork is complete. You’ll feel embarrassed or stupid if things fall through.

Lesson #5 – You’re mad or upset with a person or situation.

When someone annoys you, don’t respond right away, as you are likely to blow up and/or say something you will regret. And, you can’t take it back. A word spoken cannot be unspoken. Even if you apologize, people will not forget. You’re weak when you’re angry. Don’t act in a moment of weakness. Even if they’re wrong and you’re right, you won’t come out of it looking good.

Lesson #6 – You have had too much to drink.

While I do not drink alcohol myself, I know that most people do. It’s really hard to keep your mouth shut when you’re drunk. Even small amounts of alcohol lower inhibitions and make you far more likely to say something inappropriate. If you are drinking, be aware of how it affects you. If you are able to keep quiet after a few, do so. Or, cut yourself off before you get to the point of brutal honesty. It is hard enough to control our tongues when we are sober. Be very careful when drinking.

Lesson #7 – You’re about to ask a question that isn’t really a question.

If you are at a gathering or meeting and you feel that you just have to interject into the conversation, to tell some story from your past, or to ask a question that does not add to the conversation, be careful. So many times we try to shift the focus to ourselves, instead of allowing others to speak.

Lesson #8 – You’re about to complain.

If you are getting ready to speak, check yourself to see if you are about to complain about something. You might be thinking that it’s hot, you have too much to do, something smells, or that person is mean or stupid. All of these may be true, but keep it to yourself. Nobody likes a whiner. If you must speak, look for only positive things to speak about.

Lesson #9 – Someone else is being a jerk.

When someone else is being stupid, rude, belligerent, or an idiot in some other way, let them. Don’t call them out, get mad, insult or embarrass them. First, they could just be having a bad day, or they do not know how to handle themselves in whatever situation they’re in. Be kind, and you’re likely to diffuse things far quicker than if you react in a like manner. If the person really is just a horrible jerk, they’ve got enough to deal with in life and will eventually pay the price without your help. “Everything is its own reward.”

Lesson #10 – You’re about to talk to fill the silence.

Silence can be awkward, but there are a couple of reasons you shouldn’t necessarily rush to fill it. The first is that some people just like to think before they speak and aren’t as freaked out by pauses as others. So, when you jump in to fill the void, you’re actually cutting off their thought process. Wait a while and make sure they’re not preparing to speak. Another reason is that, if you’re both uncomfortable with silence, sometimes you can learn a lot by letting the other person fill it.

We often tend to overshare when we want to impress and overcome any sort of awkwardness. We may think that it could be perceived as our fault for not holding up our end of the conversation. This tactic is particularly useful when conducting interviews, managing meetings, or even hosting sales calls. Many a sale has been lost because the salesperson did not know when to shut up. Some people actually like periods of solace and silence in a conversation. Allow for extended periods of silence and just bask in the benefit of being with another person.

When you’re talking, you’re not listening. And listening is the most important thing you can do.

“Always remember, you cannot learn when your mouth is open.”

We have come to the end of our trail today, so I will leave you with four proverbs that deal with talking too much.

Proverbs 10:19, “Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut.”

Proverbs 17:27, “A truly wise person uses few words; a person with understanding is even-tempered.

Proverbs 17:28, “Even fools are thought wise when they keep silent; with their mouths shut, they seem intelligent.”

Proverbs 21:23, “Watch your tongue and keep your mouth shut, and you will stay out of trouble.”

Next in our Wisdom Notes we will explore It is the Life in Your Years That Count.

Using Your Words Wisely

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Learn to Shut Up

As we begin our journey this week, we have to realize that there are many times where instead of speaking we learn to keep our mouth closed. Each time we speak, it is a conscious choice to do so.

Many of the outcomes of our trek of life are determined by the choices that we make each day. While we cannot always control the path that lies in front of us, as we take one step at a time, we can make choices that will help us to navigate through trails successfully. As we take each step, we can learn the lessons which each new trail brings to us.

One of the most difficult areas of our life to control consistently is the use of our words. We need to learn when to keep our mouth closed. Have you ever been with a group of people that you respect and you find yourself saying something completely out of place? Have you ever spoken to a loved one or associate in a way that cuts them to the core, and as soon as it comes out of your mouth you think to yourself, “How foolish it was to say such hurtful words!?” Our words can lift someone to the heights of heaven or plunge them into the very depths of hell.

In our Wisdom Notes today and next week, we will first explore just how difficult, but important, it is to control our tongues and then weave in 10 practical lessons on when it is best just to shut up. As a Christ follower, much of the wisdom that I have gained throughout my life comes from God’s Word, the Bible. It has much to say about how important it is to choose our words wisely and to limit our words to those that are helpful to others. Christ’s half-brother James wrote several paragraphs about how difficult it really is to control our tongues, in his letter to the Jews that were scattered across the Roman Empire. In Chapter 3 verses 1-12 he wrote,

“Dear brothers and sisters, not many of you should become teachers in the church, for we who teach will be judged more strictly. Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way.

We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches.

But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. And among all the parts of the body, the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself.

People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish, but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison. Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right! Does a spring of water bubble out with both fresh water and bitter water? Does a fig tree produce olives, or a grapevine produce figs? No, and you can’t draw fresh water from a salty spring.”

Wow! If we just read this snippet of James’s letter, it would seem like it is impossible to control our tongue. If you think about unwise words that you spoke just this week, there is clear evidence that we all suffer from the dreaded diseases known as “diarrhea of the mouth” and “foot in mouth disease.” Fortunately, what is impossible with humans is possible with God.

While hiking, if you want to see amazing wildlife and birds, you need to be very quiet, which means keeping your mouth shut, even when you want to go on about how much you know. So, as you trek through today and tomorrow, you will arrive at 10 clearings along your trail where you will be able to gaze through the trees and see some amazing sites. These are examples of 10 times when you should just shut up. We will visit the first two clearings today and finish up with the remaining 8 tomorrow.

“Knowing when to open your mouth and when to keep it shut is valuable wisdom.”

There are times where we don’t speak up when we should, but more often than not we do speak when we shouldn’t. Wise people speak less because they know the value of keeping quiet. This week and next we will explore a total of 10 lessons which we can learn about speaking.

Lesson #1 – Keep quite when you want to correct someone.

This is particularly important when that someone is a new acquaintance or a superior. If you correct them, you might embarrass them, and you’re not actually going to gain anything. They might not believe you, and you could wind up in a dumb argument about it, taking out your phone and finding sources that prove you’re right until you shut them down. Sure, you’ll have demonstrated your superior knowledge, but a lot of people actually hate that. In many cases, if someone misspeaks, there is no need to correct them because what they have said is not of importance. If it is really important, meet with them in private and discuss the incorrect information and give them an opportunity to correct it.

“Never miss a chance to keep your mouth shut.”

Lesson #2 – Never miss a chance to keep your mouth shut when you have set a big goal.

You might think that announcing your intentions to others will increase your chances of achieving your goals, but research suggests the opposite is true. NYU psychology professor Peter Gollwitzer found in four different studies that people who kept their intentions to themselves were more likely to achieve them than those who made them public. The reasoning found in this study was that once a goal is announced publicly, our subconscious leads us to believe we have already completed that goal. Confiding in one accountability partner that will make sure that you reach your goal is a much more effective way of meeting that goal. Another reason for not trumpeting your big plans is that if you don’t follow through, you’ll be seen as flaky.

Next in our Wisdom Notes we will explore the remaining 8 times when we need to learn to shut up.

Learning to Be Uncomfortable

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Get Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable

The trails of life can be unknown and unpredictable at times. We need to understand that life is not always how we would like it to be, but it is always how it is. We may become very uncomfortable with the paths that we travel, so we need to choose to enjoy those journeys even in less than ideal conditions. Change makes all of us a bit uncomfortable, even if the outcome of that change is beneficial long-term. As our global community rapidly changes, as we eluded to yesterday, we must learn to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. That is the trail that we will travel together this week in our Wisdom Notes.

This inspiring principle is actually taken from the Navy SEALS as one of their mantras is “Get comfortable being uncomfortable.” Why is this so important? In your businesses and in your life, if you want to learn, grow, and succeed, you will have to go through a process of being uncomfortable to achieve growth. Anyone familiar with farming knows that in order to have a crop, the original seed is destroyed through the growth process. Also, Jesus confirms this principle in John 12:24, “I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat is planted in the soil and dies, it remains alone. But its death will produce many new kernels — a plentiful harvest of new lives.”

“Growth and success in life only comes after you have pushed and challenged yourself.”

Let’s look at three practical examples:

If you want to be physically fit, if you want to be healthy, or if you want to be somebody who has a lot of energy, what is required? You must exercise and work out on a regular basis. Many people go to a gym so they have the proper equipment and are able to stay focused. But, the gym is not somewhere you go for comfort. It’s somewhere you go to get really uncomfortable for an hour, or a half an hour, or maybe for some of you, a couple of hours. You are going to push yourself. You’re going to see how much weight you can lift, how long you can run, or how hard you can push your body. During that time it’s going to be wildly uncomfortable. But, on the back side of that discomfort is better health, better energy, and a better physical appearance.

Tied to being physically fit, if you desire to be healthy, you must eat what is good and healthy for you, which will mean preparing your own meals using fresh, healthy, and whole foods. You’ll also have to turn away from comfort foods and other food items that may taste good as you are eating them but do major damage to your body, including the horrible side effect of gaining weight. You have to be comfortable with feeling hungry and being uncomfortable until your body adapts to the new types of food that you consume.

To be successful in business requires hard work, dedication, and, at times, long hours with very little reward. You have to stretch yourself and learn. You have to be willing to risk the rejection and receive a lot of “no” in order to get to the potential for a “yes.” The success is only going to come after you’ve stepped out of your comfort zone.

So, how do we prepare ourselves? How do we train to be uncomfortable so that we can actually get comfortable with our discomfort?

Learn Something New

Always push yourself to learn something new in any area of life. Maybe try learning how to cook differently or gradually work up from walking to running. Any time you push yourself, you’re stepping outside of your comfort zone in a particular area of life and starting to build success. As you start to have some success in that area, you can take what you’ve learned there and apply it to other areas of your life.

Recruit the Help of Others

Maybe it’s a coach, trainer or an accountability partner. It’s somebody else who can help push you and who can help keep you accountable so that you don’t slip and fall on this new trail in your life. That person can also be right alongside you learning that same sport or that new hobby or that new skill at the same time as you so you’re pushing and motivating each other.

Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.”

Break It Down

Sometimes when we step outside of our comfort zones, we can get really overwhelmed with everything we need to learn and everything we need to do. It can start to weigh us down, it can overwhelm any of us, no matter how adaptable to change we are. Navy Seal Mark Owen talks about this in his life when he got into the Navy SEAL boot camp. He says,

“Man, I was so overwhelmed. But what I did is I broke everything down into small little bite-sized chunks. It was like, “If I can make it to breakfast, I’ll be okay.’” And when he got to breakfast, and he survived breakfast, he said: “Now I just need to make it to lunch.” And then, “Now I just need to make it to dinner.” And then after dinner was over, “I just have to do it again tomorrow.” He took it one day at a time, one step at a time. You don’t have to do it all right away.

Go For It

At some point, you just have to go for it. You’re just going to have to go all in. You can’t try this. You can’t keep going, “Well, I’ll just do a little bit here, a little bit there…” At some point, you’re just going to have to say “I’m in! I’m going to make this happen. I’m going to risk discomfort because this is something that I want and that is so important to me.” And when you do that, you’re going to find that you’re actually capable of so much more than you ever believed.

As we make progress on the uncomfortable trails of life, let’s follow the Apostle Paul’s words in his letter to the church in Rome in Chapter 5 verses 3-4, “We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation.”

So here’s what I want to leave you with. Get comfortable being uncomfortable. If you want to be successful in business and in life, get comfortable with your discomfort.

Next in our Wisdom Notes we will explore the “zone” where the magic of life happens.